Sailing has not been so smooth since the last time I wrote. The original agreement between myself and the two other women I'm on this trip with, was that if anyone wanted to do something that the others didn't, she should feel free to do so. That there was no need for us to be joined at the hip. Well, that's not the way one of the women feels. She seems to think that we all have to be together all the time!
For example, yesterday, I was exhausted. It was probably 11:00 and all I wanted to do was go back to the room. One of the ladies felt the same way, and so while the third one was in the casino, we decided to go back to the room. There was a party on one of the upper decks that started at 11:30pm, and she wanted all of us to go, and was pissed when we said no. Whatever, I was tired and wasn't interested in the argument at all.
And today, we were in Grand Cayman. It was beautiful. It was sunny and HOT. We did the island tour, which was really cool. I got to hold a sea turtle. The pictures are really great... can't wait to share them!! But it was hot, did I mention that. Heat like that is one of my migraine triggers. I can't help it, that's just how it is. So unfortunately, I was getting one. We had lunch, and one of the ladies noticed that I wasn't feeling well, and suggested we just skip the beach, stop in just one store and then head back to the ship. When the other woman heard that we didn't want to go to the beach, she got pissed again instead of just going to the beach herself. She was pouting, and refused to speak to us, and when she did, it was snippy and snarky.
And all of my friends who really know my personality would be proud to know that I didn't snip or snark back, I just ignored it. But seriously...What the hell am I supposed to do about this?
29 March 2007
27 March 2007
Day at Sea
Today is our day at sea. So, there's no running around for anything. Just a spa treatment in the afternoon, and other than that, I'll just relax by the pool.
I'm actually up early this morning. While the beds are comfortable, and the pillows are great, I have a really hard time sleeping with tons of noise in the room. So, the other two ladies are still asleep, and I thought I'd take advantage of the time I could have alone to post. But I have to say, so far, so good with the all three being together.
Yesterday we docked in Freeport, The Bahamas. I was shocked by the island. It was flat. And by that I mean Mid-West flat. There was no elevation on that island whatsoever. I'm astounded that it doesn't completely get destroyed every time there's a hurricane. We left the boat around 9:30 or so, and took a taxi to the straw market. We had a blast, and I found some great things. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE fun jewelry. I'm not talking stones or anything, just fun jewelry. I found two made out of abalone shells. They are just great!! And of course, when you're at the straw market, what do you have to buy...STRAW BAGS. There were so many different ones to choose from, so many styles etc. I found one for Preschool Queen and I really hope she likes it...Also found Bahamian tea for my mom.
Last night was our first formal night. It was actually a lot of fun to get all dressed up and have dinner. We also had our pictures taken then as well. I hope they come out nicely. But if they don't there's always Thursday's formal night as well, when they'll be taking other pictures. Anyway, I wore Preschool Queen's Betsey Johnson dress. It was just perfect. There is no other way to describe it other than perfect.
More later, I'm sure!!
I'm actually up early this morning. While the beds are comfortable, and the pillows are great, I have a really hard time sleeping with tons of noise in the room. So, the other two ladies are still asleep, and I thought I'd take advantage of the time I could have alone to post. But I have to say, so far, so good with the all three being together.
Yesterday we docked in Freeport, The Bahamas. I was shocked by the island. It was flat. And by that I mean Mid-West flat. There was no elevation on that island whatsoever. I'm astounded that it doesn't completely get destroyed every time there's a hurricane. We left the boat around 9:30 or so, and took a taxi to the straw market. We had a blast, and I found some great things. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE fun jewelry. I'm not talking stones or anything, just fun jewelry. I found two made out of abalone shells. They are just great!! And of course, when you're at the straw market, what do you have to buy...STRAW BAGS. There were so many different ones to choose from, so many styles etc. I found one for Preschool Queen and I really hope she likes it...Also found Bahamian tea for my mom.
Last night was our first formal night. It was actually a lot of fun to get all dressed up and have dinner. We also had our pictures taken then as well. I hope they come out nicely. But if they don't there's always Thursday's formal night as well, when they'll be taking other pictures. Anyway, I wore Preschool Queen's Betsey Johnson dress. It was just perfect. There is no other way to describe it other than perfect.
More later, I'm sure!!
25 March 2007
Cruisin'
Okay, so Internet access on the boat (oops, I mean ship) is pretty slow, but I still want to post. I treasure the posts from my trip to London, so I wanted to do the same here.
The flights down to Ft Lauderdale were uneventful. It was the first time I had ever flown JetBlue, and I have to say, I'll go out of my way to fly with them again. The experience was just fantastic!! We got to the hotel, and then wanted to find a place to have dinner.
We went to a restaurant called Bimini Boatdock. The food was phenomenal. There is simply no other word for it. It was the quintessential Florida restaurant. I have nothing bad to say about it, and would go back in a second.
Today, we got to the docks; and I have never seen anything quite like it. There were SO MANY ships of all kinds, not just cruise liners, I'm talking steamers, cargo ships, tankers etc. It was truly wild. We were supposed to leave the port at about 4pm. Well, the ship finally started moving just as we were sitting down for dinner at 8pm. And that was a shock. All of a sudden I felt like I was really drunk; and I had only one drink all day (and that was when we got on the boat at 2) It took me a while to realize that we were moving. I'm not sure about it, still. I did put my motion sickness patch on, so hopefully that will take care of everything. I'm fine when I can see the water moving, and can see the horizon; but when I'm inside the ship, it's a little rough. Hopefully I'll get used to it.
This thing is huge and the staff is just amazing. They do anything they can for you. So far, I'd have to say, I highly recommend it!!
Much more tomorrow after we leave Freeport!!
The flights down to Ft Lauderdale were uneventful. It was the first time I had ever flown JetBlue, and I have to say, I'll go out of my way to fly with them again. The experience was just fantastic!! We got to the hotel, and then wanted to find a place to have dinner.
We went to a restaurant called Bimini Boatdock. The food was phenomenal. There is simply no other word for it. It was the quintessential Florida restaurant. I have nothing bad to say about it, and would go back in a second.
Today, we got to the docks; and I have never seen anything quite like it. There were SO MANY ships of all kinds, not just cruise liners, I'm talking steamers, cargo ships, tankers etc. It was truly wild. We were supposed to leave the port at about 4pm. Well, the ship finally started moving just as we were sitting down for dinner at 8pm. And that was a shock. All of a sudden I felt like I was really drunk; and I had only one drink all day (and that was when we got on the boat at 2) It took me a while to realize that we were moving. I'm not sure about it, still. I did put my motion sickness patch on, so hopefully that will take care of everything. I'm fine when I can see the water moving, and can see the horizon; but when I'm inside the ship, it's a little rough. Hopefully I'll get used to it.
This thing is huge and the staff is just amazing. They do anything they can for you. So far, I'd have to say, I highly recommend it!!
Much more tomorrow after we leave Freeport!!
23 March 2007
The Night Before the Cruise
Someday I'll learn how to properly set an alarm clock. Today I decided to set it early so I could get up and get things done before work. Right. I woke up at 7:30, checked the alarm and realized I set it for 4:30 in the morning, not in the afternoon. I'm so darn cranky. So now I have less than an hour and a half to get all the things done before I leave. And what am I doing, am I actually doing all the things I need to? Nope, talking on the phone and blogging.
Now I really need to go do things....
Now I really need to go do things....
22 March 2007
Shocking Commercials
Some observations that I hope make you laugh as much as they did me...
There is a medication for insomnia called Roserem. It's purpose it to help you sleep. The whole commercial is about a guy who is not dreaming anymore. There's always the disclosure at the end of the commercial, you know the one I'm talking about, where they tell you all the side effects of the drug...Anyway, one of the side effects listed (this is just too good) is drowsiness. Really? A medicine that was created to help me sleep is going to make me tired? I'm shocked. (okay that's my sarcastic side coming out.) But seriously, isn't that the point?
There is a new commercial for travelling to Puerto Rico that has been on TV lately. It's a great commercial, it makes me want to go there. However, on the bottom of the screen is written "US Passport not required for travel to Puerto Rico." I was shocked when I read that. Really? I don't need a passport to visit part of MY OWN COUNTRY? I suppose I can understand this one, I'm continually astounded at the number of US Citizens who don't realize that Puerto Rico is a Territory of the United States.
As I see more, I'll add them to my list. Hope these made you laugh as well!!
There is a medication for insomnia called Roserem. It's purpose it to help you sleep. The whole commercial is about a guy who is not dreaming anymore. There's always the disclosure at the end of the commercial, you know the one I'm talking about, where they tell you all the side effects of the drug...Anyway, one of the side effects listed (this is just too good) is drowsiness. Really? A medicine that was created to help me sleep is going to make me tired? I'm shocked. (okay that's my sarcastic side coming out.) But seriously, isn't that the point?
There is a new commercial for travelling to Puerto Rico that has been on TV lately. It's a great commercial, it makes me want to go there. However, on the bottom of the screen is written "US Passport not required for travel to Puerto Rico." I was shocked when I read that. Really? I don't need a passport to visit part of MY OWN COUNTRY? I suppose I can understand this one, I'm continually astounded at the number of US Citizens who don't realize that Puerto Rico is a Territory of the United States.
As I see more, I'll add them to my list. Hope these made you laugh as well!!
The Schedule has been Posted!!!
So, work has posted the schedules and when we are picking our slots. Finally!!! And the best part of the news is that the group I am in doesn't begin picking until April 1st. I'll be home from vacation then, and so don't have to hand in 72 choices. I'm so very relieved. And I also don't have to give any of it another thought until I get home from the trip. Preschool Queen is right. Things always happen for a reason. So, Carnival, here I come, looking forward to an amazing and very relaxing vacation. Now all I have to survive is another two nights of listening to how a rogue wave is going to knock my boat all around. Now I just need to finish packing all of my things!
Now with the work headache out of the way, I can confess to the other crap that has been going on. I have a friendship that I've been doing a really good job of messing up. I have so many emotions and feelings for this person that sometimes get in the way of just being friends. This doesn't happen all the time, but on occasion, I seem to do a pretty good job of trying to push this person away. I'm so tired of feeling the way that I do. I want to be able to turn off the feelings that I have, and I just can't. I want them to go away, because I know the friendship is what is most important. But I just can't seem to move on. And I'm really afraid that if I can't get over all of this an move on, that this person is going to get tired of me being retarded and walk away. Some days are fine and then there are other days, like today, when I'm just completely retarded. And I stand there and think, "you're going to lose him as a friend if you don't shut up..." and the stupidity still just pours out of my mouth. Thank goodness he's patient and kind and willing to put up with my retarded-ness.
Now with the work headache out of the way, I can confess to the other crap that has been going on. I have a friendship that I've been doing a really good job of messing up. I have so many emotions and feelings for this person that sometimes get in the way of just being friends. This doesn't happen all the time, but on occasion, I seem to do a pretty good job of trying to push this person away. I'm so tired of feeling the way that I do. I want to be able to turn off the feelings that I have, and I just can't. I want them to go away, because I know the friendship is what is most important. But I just can't seem to move on. And I'm really afraid that if I can't get over all of this an move on, that this person is going to get tired of me being retarded and walk away. Some days are fine and then there are other days, like today, when I'm just completely retarded. And I stand there and think, "you're going to lose him as a friend if you don't shut up..." and the stupidity still just pours out of my mouth. Thank goodness he's patient and kind and willing to put up with my retarded-ness.
21 March 2007
My Productive Day
What a productive day! I have a list about nine thousand miles long of things that need to be done before Friday afternoon; and I got a ton of things done today. Okay, so I haven't gotten remotely enough sleep, but oh well. I'm totally a list person; I write them for EVERYTHING and more than anything else, I love being able to cross things off my list. And today, I did that a lot. So, while at first I was irritated with Preschool Queen for waking me up at 3pm, getting up that early enabled me to get more done. Someday people who don't work third shift will understand that the middle of the afternoon is somewhat similar to being called at about 2 in the morning. I'm not sure when this mythical day will happen, but eventually it will. (I hope)
Nothing new to report on the work front. I could rant and rave for pages about how ridiculous and retarded things are getting; but it really won't do any good. I am certainly stressed about the fact that I won't be around or available next week; but again, there is nothing I can do about it. And ultimately, I trust Will enough to take care of it for me. So, I'm trying to be very zen about the whole thing. This will probably last until I walk through the door there...
Last night I finally saw the new trailer for the next Pirates movie. I am so very excited about it!! I can't wait to see it. Captain Contrary wants me to take him to see it, so I'll probably do that. Or actually, I'll probably go see it first just to make sure it's okay for him, he is only 7... Usually I'm not a huge fan of going to the movies, it's so expensive, but there are so many new movies that I really want to see this spring.
Can't believe there are only 3 days left!!! Sunshine and warm weather here I come!!!
Nothing new to report on the work front. I could rant and rave for pages about how ridiculous and retarded things are getting; but it really won't do any good. I am certainly stressed about the fact that I won't be around or available next week; but again, there is nothing I can do about it. And ultimately, I trust Will enough to take care of it for me. So, I'm trying to be very zen about the whole thing. This will probably last until I walk through the door there...
Last night I finally saw the new trailer for the next Pirates movie. I am so very excited about it!! I can't wait to see it. Captain Contrary wants me to take him to see it, so I'll probably do that. Or actually, I'll probably go see it first just to make sure it's okay for him, he is only 7... Usually I'm not a huge fan of going to the movies, it's so expensive, but there are so many new movies that I really want to see this spring.
Can't believe there are only 3 days left!!! Sunshine and warm weather here I come!!!
20 March 2007
Schedule picking
So, in the ever professional environment that I work in...there has been no official notice that we are picking. Or rather that my unit is picking; because God forbid the whole building pick. So, rumor and gossip is the way of it. God forbid the management in this place have any sort of respect for the employees. Or remember that this is our lives that they are messing with. My ever so helpful supervisor told me to figure out how many people are in our unit, and then give him a list of that many choices. Literally he was more un-helpful tonight than he ever has in the past. (and that's really saying something.) He had no idea of when any information would be available; but he was able to tell me that the new schedule will begin April 15. I'm just slightly testy about all of this...more later maybe there will be more information.
19 March 2007
This and That
Tomorrow I should know more about the schedule picking. I have to say, it makes me uneasy that I'll be away during most of it. I know that there is nothing I can do about it even if I am there, but I worry that something will go wrong and there will be no way for them to contact me. At least the trip will be so good that I won't be thinking about it once we're underway. I can't believe we leave on Saturday!! I'm finally excited about the trip.
Preschool Queen and I went shopping and to lunch on Saturday. I got some really nice new clothes; and a leather jacket that is just to die for. It is SO HOT!! It's chocolate brown, and the softest leather I have ever felt. There is really small turquoise stitching around the edges; and it fits like it was custom made for my body. It was on the rack screaming "BUY ME!!!" So of course I did.
Now I just need to wait for the weather to be appropriate to be able to wear it. We got a little over a foot of snow Friday night into Saturday morning. Just when all the snow from the last storms had finally melted; we got hit again. And Wednesday is the first day of spring. Has anyone told Mother Nature that? I told Will it was all his fault that it snowed again. Last week had been beautiful enough for me to have the windows open; and I had decided that it was finally springtime. I told Will this, and he disagreed saying that there would be more snow before all of this is over; and sure enough, over a foot on Friday night. Hope you're happy, Will. Here's your darn snow. Oh well, as long as the flights on Saturday aren't affected by any weather, I'll be a happy girl.
Preschool Queen and Captain Contrary are coming over on Tuesday afternoon after school to help me decide what I should pack for the trip. Well, let me rephrase that. Captain Contrary is coming over to watch TV and eat me out of house and home; and Preschool Queen is going to help me decide what to pack. They are also taking care of my dearest kitty as well while I'm gone. Captain Contrary is so good at taking care of her while I'm gone. And in exchange, Tank is going on the cruise. He and I decided that Tank probably needs a collar and a leash so that he doesn't try to jump into the ocean when we're on the boat. I'm also going to look for a little life jacket for him. Can't wait to write another book for him. He just loves the London book that I did, and can't wait to see what Tank gets into on the cruise. I have tons of ideas already...
In completely unrelated information. Homer applied for a job at my office. It would be SO COOL if he got the job. I would love working with him!!!
Preschool Queen and I went shopping and to lunch on Saturday. I got some really nice new clothes; and a leather jacket that is just to die for. It is SO HOT!! It's chocolate brown, and the softest leather I have ever felt. There is really small turquoise stitching around the edges; and it fits like it was custom made for my body. It was on the rack screaming "BUY ME!!!" So of course I did.
Now I just need to wait for the weather to be appropriate to be able to wear it. We got a little over a foot of snow Friday night into Saturday morning. Just when all the snow from the last storms had finally melted; we got hit again. And Wednesday is the first day of spring. Has anyone told Mother Nature that? I told Will it was all his fault that it snowed again. Last week had been beautiful enough for me to have the windows open; and I had decided that it was finally springtime. I told Will this, and he disagreed saying that there would be more snow before all of this is over; and sure enough, over a foot on Friday night. Hope you're happy, Will. Here's your darn snow. Oh well, as long as the flights on Saturday aren't affected by any weather, I'll be a happy girl.
Preschool Queen and Captain Contrary are coming over on Tuesday afternoon after school to help me decide what I should pack for the trip. Well, let me rephrase that. Captain Contrary is coming over to watch TV and eat me out of house and home; and Preschool Queen is going to help me decide what to pack. They are also taking care of my dearest kitty as well while I'm gone. Captain Contrary is so good at taking care of her while I'm gone. And in exchange, Tank is going on the cruise. He and I decided that Tank probably needs a collar and a leash so that he doesn't try to jump into the ocean when we're on the boat. I'm also going to look for a little life jacket for him. Can't wait to write another book for him. He just loves the London book that I did, and can't wait to see what Tank gets into on the cruise. I have tons of ideas already...
In completely unrelated information. Homer applied for a job at my office. It would be SO COOL if he got the job. I would love working with him!!!
15 March 2007
Things may be looking up
8 Days to go!!! Before the Cruise, that is...
I baked brownies yesterday and brought them into work. Will loved them. I think it may have been the only highlight of his night. Unfortunately he found out about the schedule picking by reading yesterday's post. Oops. I had wanted to talk to him about it before he read it; but that didn't happen. He was actually in quite the mood last night, so much so that it actually rubbed off on me. I'm not sure quite what is really bothering him either. I know that work stuff is frustrating, but that's been the way for years. There seems to be something bigger getting to him. He'll eventually talk about it, I'm sure; but until then (and probably after that) I'll worry about him (it's what I do...)
I had my hair colored this weekend, it's a dark chocolate brown with copper colored highlights. Now the important word in that last sentence is COPPER. But for some reason Will insists that the highlights are blonde. I actually asked other people at work what color they thought it was, and everyone agreed with me that they are coppery/red colored. He just cracks me up.
And in other things,
I'M GOING TO SEE THE POLICE THIS SUMMER!!!!!!!
I'm so excited about it I can hardly stand it. I bought tickets last night for the show in Connecticut. Preschool Queen is going with me, and I think she's more excited than I am about the whole thing. I never thought I'd ever be able to see them in concert, and when I heard about the reunion tour, I knew I just had to go. Now, of course, I'm too young to have ever had the chance to see them when they were first around, so here's my chance. It's going to be just so cool; I can't wait.
If it hasn't been made clear yet, I am a total Harry Potter fan. (some of my friends would argue that it's an obsession that borders on unhealthy, but I digress...) Anyway, Book 7 comes out this summer (I can't wait...) and I've started listening to the audio books from the beginning again. Because sometimes there are details that you forget. Will is actually the one who suggested it. He's looking for "clues" as to what may be in store in book 7. As I said before, he cracks me up!
I baked brownies yesterday and brought them into work. Will loved them. I think it may have been the only highlight of his night. Unfortunately he found out about the schedule picking by reading yesterday's post. Oops. I had wanted to talk to him about it before he read it; but that didn't happen. He was actually in quite the mood last night, so much so that it actually rubbed off on me. I'm not sure quite what is really bothering him either. I know that work stuff is frustrating, but that's been the way for years. There seems to be something bigger getting to him. He'll eventually talk about it, I'm sure; but until then (and probably after that) I'll worry about him (it's what I do...)
I had my hair colored this weekend, it's a dark chocolate brown with copper colored highlights. Now the important word in that last sentence is COPPER. But for some reason Will insists that the highlights are blonde. I actually asked other people at work what color they thought it was, and everyone agreed with me that they are coppery/red colored. He just cracks me up.
And in other things,
I'M GOING TO SEE THE POLICE THIS SUMMER!!!!!!!
I'm so excited about it I can hardly stand it. I bought tickets last night for the show in Connecticut. Preschool Queen is going with me, and I think she's more excited than I am about the whole thing. I never thought I'd ever be able to see them in concert, and when I heard about the reunion tour, I knew I just had to go. Now, of course, I'm too young to have ever had the chance to see them when they were first around, so here's my chance. It's going to be just so cool; I can't wait.
If it hasn't been made clear yet, I am a total Harry Potter fan. (some of my friends would argue that it's an obsession that borders on unhealthy, but I digress...) Anyway, Book 7 comes out this summer (I can't wait...) and I've started listening to the audio books from the beginning again. Because sometimes there are details that you forget. Will is actually the one who suggested it. He's looking for "clues" as to what may be in store in book 7. As I said before, he cracks me up!
14 March 2007
Update...
I realize that it has been forever since I posted last. Feeling sick and being miserable has combined to keep me from posting. But I'm rather happy to say that I'm doing better than I was.
My cruise is in just 10 days; and I have to say; I'm really looking forward to it. Just to be able to sit in the sunshine and relax will be really great. However, I still don't think that one of the ladies is going to show up. She has changed her schedule, so the other woman and I don't see her anymore. She still doesn't have her passport, so I'm not sure how she plans on travelling; and I just don't think she's going to show up at the airport. Let me put it this way; I'll be shocked if she gets on the plane with us next Saturday.
Anyway, the exciting cruise news is that we've been upgraded. We now have a room on the 6th deck with a balcony!!! How totally awesome is that? Preschool Queen is going to let me borrow a bunch of her new summer clothes for the trip as well; which is just too cool.
And on the work front, I just found out last night that we're picking new schedules starting next week. My supervisor told me because in all likelihood we'll be out of the country when it gets to be our turn to pick. He told me to write up a list of my requested shifts so that he can do the pick for me. (I think I'm going to give Will a copy of the list I give him, just to be on the safe side.) This is also something that they haven't told anyone else at work yet; they won't be releasing this info until Monday when the Scheduling Supervisor returns from training. Ahh, the joys of work. It really makes no sense for us to pick new schedules because there is no one new in the building. So, whatever. Hopefully I won't get a really miserable schedule.
My cruise is in just 10 days; and I have to say; I'm really looking forward to it. Just to be able to sit in the sunshine and relax will be really great. However, I still don't think that one of the ladies is going to show up. She has changed her schedule, so the other woman and I don't see her anymore. She still doesn't have her passport, so I'm not sure how she plans on travelling; and I just don't think she's going to show up at the airport. Let me put it this way; I'll be shocked if she gets on the plane with us next Saturday.
Anyway, the exciting cruise news is that we've been upgraded. We now have a room on the 6th deck with a balcony!!! How totally awesome is that? Preschool Queen is going to let me borrow a bunch of her new summer clothes for the trip as well; which is just too cool.
And on the work front, I just found out last night that we're picking new schedules starting next week. My supervisor told me because in all likelihood we'll be out of the country when it gets to be our turn to pick. He told me to write up a list of my requested shifts so that he can do the pick for me. (I think I'm going to give Will a copy of the list I give him, just to be on the safe side.) This is also something that they haven't told anyone else at work yet; they won't be releasing this info until Monday when the Scheduling Supervisor returns from training. Ahh, the joys of work. It really makes no sense for us to pick new schedules because there is no one new in the building. So, whatever. Hopefully I won't get a really miserable schedule.
01 March 2007
Overwhelmed
Things have just gotten to be too much. And I can't feel like this much longer. I seriously feel like I'm truly losing my mind. My emotions have been completely out of control. I'm regularly on the verge of tears and I'm snapping at people when they don't deserve it. And I'm not usually the type to cry; but right now if someone looks at me funny, I want to cry. The emotions are so raw that I can hardly stand it. And I can't control it, it's beyond me, and it's driving me nuts. When I was at the doctor yesterday I asked her about this, and she said that it was related to the hormones that are readjusting themselves in my system. And she couldn't give me a timeline for it, it's different for everyone.
There's just too much on my plate right now; and I'm really frustrated with the fact that I can't seem to make this better by myself. I've been unable to "pick myself up by my bootstraps". And I hate that. All I've been doing lately is sleeping; I haven't done any of the things that I enjoy, I haven't been scrapbooking, cooking, or baking. I also haven't even touched my Arabic language program. It's all I can do to get out of bed and get myself to work on a daily basis.
And I think the worst part of all of this is that just 12 weeks ago I was on top of the world. I was home from the most amazing vacation of my life, and things were great. I mean really great. And now, I really don' t think they can get much worse, because if they do, I think I'll truly lose my mind.
My doctor said that this is called situational depression and can be treated with therapy and some medication. More medicine sucks, but I really can't feel like this any longer. I just can't. She also told me that doing so well so recently has made this even harder, because I've fallen so much further. However, the good news she gave me is that this is not something that will last forever, and that with a little help I should be able to get back to the place I was when I got home from London. (the scary part, is that I can't even remember who that girl was...)
With all of this, my migraines have come back, but she was able to give me an OTC that should do the trick. Recent studies have shown that really high doses of vitamin B2 work to prevent migraines, so I'm taking 400mg a day. And I have to say the coolest thing, is that there are no side effects to this. (all the other meds, that's a different story)
There's just too much on my plate right now; and I'm really frustrated with the fact that I can't seem to make this better by myself. I've been unable to "pick myself up by my bootstraps". And I hate that. All I've been doing lately is sleeping; I haven't done any of the things that I enjoy, I haven't been scrapbooking, cooking, or baking. I also haven't even touched my Arabic language program. It's all I can do to get out of bed and get myself to work on a daily basis.
And I think the worst part of all of this is that just 12 weeks ago I was on top of the world. I was home from the most amazing vacation of my life, and things were great. I mean really great. And now, I really don' t think they can get much worse, because if they do, I think I'll truly lose my mind.
My doctor said that this is called situational depression and can be treated with therapy and some medication. More medicine sucks, but I really can't feel like this any longer. I just can't. She also told me that doing so well so recently has made this even harder, because I've fallen so much further. However, the good news she gave me is that this is not something that will last forever, and that with a little help I should be able to get back to the place I was when I got home from London. (the scary part, is that I can't even remember who that girl was...)
With all of this, my migraines have come back, but she was able to give me an OTC that should do the trick. Recent studies have shown that really high doses of vitamin B2 work to prevent migraines, so I'm taking 400mg a day. And I have to say the coolest thing, is that there are no side effects to this. (all the other meds, that's a different story)
25 February 2007
Lead Momma, This One's For You...
Lead Momma, this one's for you...
So I was just watching the NASCAR race from California. And I have to say, NASCAR continues to sell out at an alarming rate. That's really besides the point. Anyway, I was watching the prerace show and this season they have a song or two during the show (last week at Daytona it was Kelly Clarkson). This week it was Sammy Hagar (who predictably sang I Can't Drive 55). All of this is build up to say the drummer was wearing a t-shirt that said "More Cowbell". I actually laughed out loud; and instantly thought of Lead Momma. Hope you're enjoying sunny Southern California!!
In completely unrelated news, Preschool Queen and family are on their way to Disney for the week (I hope...) I dropped them off at the airport around 4:30 this morning, they were supposed to be flying out around 6:15. They seem to have all the luck of the Griswold's in National Lampoon's Family Vacation. There is some severe inclement weather near their layover airport, and so were stuck here until the weather cleared. Hopefully they'll make it. I can completely understand the frustration. When she called, though, I told her that at least they were still in the terminal and not stuck on the tarmac. She said that Homer was thinking of changing his name to Clark Griswold.
I picked them up shortly before 4, and although Captain Contrary is NOT a morning person, he was bouncing off the walls (it IS Disney after all). He, Homer and I were lugging suitcases out to the van, and he was ready to go. And as we packed the van, he said, "okay, let's go!" I asked him if he wanted to wait for his mommy, and he said, "no, you can go with us, instead." It just cracked both Homer and I up.
A few weeks ago, in one of my posts, I mentioned that I was in love, but that things were very complicated. It hasn't been remotely easy, but this afternoon I woke up and realized something. Things are over, but it doesn't have anything to do with me, it's not because he doesn't love me or want me anymore. And I know he didn't use me. I know I've heard these things countless times, and have actually said these things; but now I know them to really be true. I trust these facts now. And somehow found some peace with things. Are my feelings gone? Not remotely, but it makes it easier to know that he does still care.
Thought I'd update for anyone interested in the continuing saga of traveling in the winter. Preschool Queen called me a little after 8:30 pm to let me know that they finally reached Orlando (they were supposed to be there by noon...). And they were the last flight out of DC this evening due to icing. What fun, but they are there, and safe and sound and ready to enjoy the park!!
So I was just watching the NASCAR race from California. And I have to say, NASCAR continues to sell out at an alarming rate. That's really besides the point. Anyway, I was watching the prerace show and this season they have a song or two during the show (last week at Daytona it was Kelly Clarkson). This week it was Sammy Hagar (who predictably sang I Can't Drive 55). All of this is build up to say the drummer was wearing a t-shirt that said "More Cowbell". I actually laughed out loud; and instantly thought of Lead Momma. Hope you're enjoying sunny Southern California!!
In completely unrelated news, Preschool Queen and family are on their way to Disney for the week (I hope...) I dropped them off at the airport around 4:30 this morning, they were supposed to be flying out around 6:15. They seem to have all the luck of the Griswold's in National Lampoon's Family Vacation. There is some severe inclement weather near their layover airport, and so were stuck here until the weather cleared. Hopefully they'll make it. I can completely understand the frustration. When she called, though, I told her that at least they were still in the terminal and not stuck on the tarmac. She said that Homer was thinking of changing his name to Clark Griswold.
I picked them up shortly before 4, and although Captain Contrary is NOT a morning person, he was bouncing off the walls (it IS Disney after all). He, Homer and I were lugging suitcases out to the van, and he was ready to go. And as we packed the van, he said, "okay, let's go!" I asked him if he wanted to wait for his mommy, and he said, "no, you can go with us, instead." It just cracked both Homer and I up.
A few weeks ago, in one of my posts, I mentioned that I was in love, but that things were very complicated. It hasn't been remotely easy, but this afternoon I woke up and realized something. Things are over, but it doesn't have anything to do with me, it's not because he doesn't love me or want me anymore. And I know he didn't use me. I know I've heard these things countless times, and have actually said these things; but now I know them to really be true. I trust these facts now. And somehow found some peace with things. Are my feelings gone? Not remotely, but it makes it easier to know that he does still care.
Thought I'd update for anyone interested in the continuing saga of traveling in the winter. Preschool Queen called me a little after 8:30 pm to let me know that they finally reached Orlando (they were supposed to be there by noon...). And they were the last flight out of DC this evening due to icing. What fun, but they are there, and safe and sound and ready to enjoy the park!!
21 February 2007
Sidewalk plows are my salvation
Hey! Okay, so it's been a while since I last wrote. Homer and his brother came over to help me get my car out of the driveway. When he saw the path I had created, he named it my suicide path, saying that if I slipped, I'd end up crushing my head on the road. So, less than 24 hours after I shoveled my suicide path, the town bulldozers and dump trucks came and moved away the snow on the street to return the parking (yeah!!!). Then the sidewalk plow came along and I was thinking how great it would be to get out. (Right, famous last thoughts) Anyway, the sidewalk plow got stuck right in front of my steps and just stopped plowing there. So again, I had a huge pile of snow blocking my way in and out. I think Will can attest to how angry this all made me. One of the ladies I'm cruising with next month said she would have been outside in her nightgown yelling at them. (I almost was, well not in my nightgown, but in my sweats...)
So today they finally got a new sidewalk plow and cleaned the sidewalks. Better late than never, I suppose!!
I can't believe the cruise is so soon! One of the ladies I'm going with is so excited that she has already packed her bags. Me, not so much. I'll pack a few days before the trip. Preschool Queen is sharing a bunch of her new spring clothes with me for the trip. I tried them on last week and they look really cool. The other lady just told us that she's afraid of flying. Great. Maybe she should have thought of that first. Although I was pretty skittish about flying until my trip to London. There's nothing like being trapped on a plane for 8 hours to either make you crazy or make you get over that fear. I'm actually looking forward to it now. And as long as there's no rogue wave, I'll be good. I'm really looking forward to just sitting on the deck or on the beach and just relaxing. No stress, no worries, right?
So today they finally got a new sidewalk plow and cleaned the sidewalks. Better late than never, I suppose!!
I can't believe the cruise is so soon! One of the ladies I'm going with is so excited that she has already packed her bags. Me, not so much. I'll pack a few days before the trip. Preschool Queen is sharing a bunch of her new spring clothes with me for the trip. I tried them on last week and they look really cool. The other lady just told us that she's afraid of flying. Great. Maybe she should have thought of that first. Although I was pretty skittish about flying until my trip to London. There's nothing like being trapped on a plane for 8 hours to either make you crazy or make you get over that fear. I'm actually looking forward to it now. And as long as there's no rogue wave, I'll be good. I'm really looking forward to just sitting on the deck or on the beach and just relaxing. No stress, no worries, right?
16 February 2007
Snow, Snow and MORE SNOW
Beneath this second story window is the roof of the bay window in the apartment below mine.
This one is one of my favorites. It was taken from my living room window of the path I had to shovel this morning before I could get to the front door. When I go back outside tonight I'll take some more from street level, so you can get the idea of how deep the snow is.
This is the same view from the rainy picture in January...Remember just last month when I took the picture of the rainy day? And I was complaining that it shouldn't be raining during the winter in northern Vermont? I take it back. It has been snowing, and snowing and snowing. It started early Wednesday morning and it just kept snowing. Today (Friday) is the first time I've been able to get home. So, since I'm finally here, and my car is now stuck in the driveway, I'm going to take a warm shower in the attempts to come to room temperature; and then I'm going to sleep! Australia is sounding better and better!! Homer said he's willing to go too! I promise more later! I've had so many ideas to blog about over the last 3 days, but for the moment they escape me (I think I need a notebook!)
11 February 2007
The GRE
Now that I've decided to apply to Grad School, I reluctantly realize that it's time to think about taking the GRE. Nothing unnerves me more that standardized tests. I can't even begin to explain how much these kinds of things stress me out. Bottom line, I don't test well. What usually ends up happening is I freak out about my weaknesses, which of course, would be the math section. I HATE MATH. I can't put it any more clearly than that.
Lead Momma has been studying for the GRE as well, and has actually taken a few practice tests as well. After one of these events, she called and we were chatting about the exam. One thing that she brought up was a math problem that involved several triangles and the instructions to find the angles. Right. I wouldn't even know where to begin. Sure I did fine in Geometry and Algebra when I was in High School, but I graduated WAY TOO LONG AGO!!! Dr Spaz really can't understand what the big deal is about the math portion of this test. He's a math wiz, gotta love those engineers. Lead Momma and I both got degrees in Elementary Education. I joke that the reason I did this (instead of Middle School and High School) was because I figured I could at least teach third grade math... Dr Spaz asked her when she taught sign and co-sign. She just looked at him funny, and said that she thought that came sometime in high school. He said it was something he was taught as a child (ahh, education in communist Russia...) My response to this exchange was: sign, co-sign? What IS that? When will I need to use that information in daily life? So as you can see, I'll be studying a lot of math. Anyone who has taken the GRE and has any tips, they'd be very welcome...
The next thing about this test, why do I need to take a test about math? My desired program has NOTHING to do with math. Not even close. What is the point of seeing if I can find all the angles of a triangle? Will and I have discussed this at length. I was sharing with him the conversation that Lead Momma and I had about the triangle question, and he wanted to know who would really care about the angles of a triangle. I'm sure there's some reason for it; I just can't seem to see what it is. Sure, a math test makes sense if you're looking to get a Master's in some sort of science or math related field. I want a degree in Diplomacy. Reading the course descriptions, no math, none whatsoever. What's the point? Somebody help me out here!
Lead Momma has been studying for the GRE as well, and has actually taken a few practice tests as well. After one of these events, she called and we were chatting about the exam. One thing that she brought up was a math problem that involved several triangles and the instructions to find the angles. Right. I wouldn't even know where to begin. Sure I did fine in Geometry and Algebra when I was in High School, but I graduated WAY TOO LONG AGO!!! Dr Spaz really can't understand what the big deal is about the math portion of this test. He's a math wiz, gotta love those engineers. Lead Momma and I both got degrees in Elementary Education. I joke that the reason I did this (instead of Middle School and High School) was because I figured I could at least teach third grade math... Dr Spaz asked her when she taught sign and co-sign. She just looked at him funny, and said that she thought that came sometime in high school. He said it was something he was taught as a child (ahh, education in communist Russia...) My response to this exchange was: sign, co-sign? What IS that? When will I need to use that information in daily life? So as you can see, I'll be studying a lot of math. Anyone who has taken the GRE and has any tips, they'd be very welcome...
The next thing about this test, why do I need to take a test about math? My desired program has NOTHING to do with math. Not even close. What is the point of seeing if I can find all the angles of a triangle? Will and I have discussed this at length. I was sharing with him the conversation that Lead Momma and I had about the triangle question, and he wanted to know who would really care about the angles of a triangle. I'm sure there's some reason for it; I just can't seem to see what it is. Sure, a math test makes sense if you're looking to get a Master's in some sort of science or math related field. I want a degree in Diplomacy. Reading the course descriptions, no math, none whatsoever. What's the point? Somebody help me out here!
10 February 2007
I'm Struggling
I'm struggling right now, really struggling. (now I realize that my struggle is nothing compared to the struggles of others in this world, but this is the life that I have, and right now, I'm struggling in it.) I have found that writing can be so very therapeutic, so I ask for indulgence right now.
This medication is miserable. Picture it, you wake up, feeling okay, and know that you have to take a pill that within an hour will make you very sick. And you have to do this twice a day. It just wears off every night at work around 3 in the morning, and I have four precious hours where I feel normal, and then I get home at 7 and have to take it again. Seriously, why would I want to do this over and over again? Lately, I've been staring at the pill for longer and longer before I actually take it. I know that this is only temporary until I get used to it, but it's really getting old. Fast. I'm so tired of crackers and ginger ale and peanut butter and bananas on english muffins.
I'm still not feeling any better about myself regarding the PCOS. I know it's all in my head, but I feel less than feminine, undesirable and defective. Some friends have made the comment that it's not such a big deal because I'm not currently trying to start a family. And I have to say it's little consolation. Not at all what I'm looking for. Oh, have I mentioned that all the women who have said this have had at least one child? They're looking at this from a completely different viewpoint than mine. And it's starting to tick me off, and withdrawal from them when I really do need my friends around me.
I'm in love with the most amazing man I've ever met, but circumstances keep us from becoming a couple. I have never loved anyone the way that I love him, and I know for certain that I've never been loved the way he loves me. He looks at me as if there is no one else in the room. Nobody has ever looked at me that way. It just breaks my heart. When is it my turn to be happy?
It all makes me want to run away to Australia...For those of you unfamiliar with the story, when I was growing up, my favorite book was Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day by Judith Viorst. Alexander is a little boy, who, as the title says, has a really bad day, and as he's relating all of the miserable events, he keeps saying that he's going to run away to Australia. Now, by the end of the book Alexander figures that bad days happen to everyone once in a while, and would probably even happen in Australia. I just love the book, and so when I'm having one of those days(which have been a lot of days lately...), I think about booking a flight to Australia...
This medication is miserable. Picture it, you wake up, feeling okay, and know that you have to take a pill that within an hour will make you very sick. And you have to do this twice a day. It just wears off every night at work around 3 in the morning, and I have four precious hours where I feel normal, and then I get home at 7 and have to take it again. Seriously, why would I want to do this over and over again? Lately, I've been staring at the pill for longer and longer before I actually take it. I know that this is only temporary until I get used to it, but it's really getting old. Fast. I'm so tired of crackers and ginger ale and peanut butter and bananas on english muffins.
I'm still not feeling any better about myself regarding the PCOS. I know it's all in my head, but I feel less than feminine, undesirable and defective. Some friends have made the comment that it's not such a big deal because I'm not currently trying to start a family. And I have to say it's little consolation. Not at all what I'm looking for. Oh, have I mentioned that all the women who have said this have had at least one child? They're looking at this from a completely different viewpoint than mine. And it's starting to tick me off, and withdrawal from them when I really do need my friends around me.
I'm in love with the most amazing man I've ever met, but circumstances keep us from becoming a couple. I have never loved anyone the way that I love him, and I know for certain that I've never been loved the way he loves me. He looks at me as if there is no one else in the room. Nobody has ever looked at me that way. It just breaks my heart. When is it my turn to be happy?
It all makes me want to run away to Australia...For those of you unfamiliar with the story, when I was growing up, my favorite book was Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day by Judith Viorst. Alexander is a little boy, who, as the title says, has a really bad day, and as he's relating all of the miserable events, he keeps saying that he's going to run away to Australia. Now, by the end of the book Alexander figures that bad days happen to everyone once in a while, and would probably even happen in Australia. I just love the book, and so when I'm having one of those days(which have been a lot of days lately...), I think about booking a flight to Australia...
08 February 2007
HP #7
I know the announcement came out last week, and everybody has probably heard, but JK Rowling and Scholastic announced the release date for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, the final book in the series. It's coming out on July 21st. I am so very excited about this. I've already pre-ordered my copy from Amazon. I also ordered a copy for Captain Contrary (I started buying them for him when he was born, and have continued as each one comes out). July will truly be a Harry Potter month, the 5th movie on the 13th, and then just 8 days later, the book will be here. I think the only person I've encountered who is as excited as I am is Will. This is one of the things that we share, we are both true Harry Potter nuts. And since the release date was named (well, before that really) we've been discussing how Harry will defeat Voldemort (or even if he will defeat him). And this is something that we completely disagree on, I think that Harry is going to die in the process, if you will, he'll sacrifice himself for the good of humanity. Will completely disagrees with me, and thinks that Harry and Ginny will walk off into the sunset together. So, of course, we bet on the outcome, and the person who is wrong, has to buy dinner. It actually cracks me up how serious our conversations can be about a work of fiction. And so the countdown begins!
I do have to say though, as excited as I am, I'll also be a little bit sad about the end of the series. No more new books to look forward to, no new adventures. But getting to read how Rowling concludes the series will be great. I have no doubt that I'll be finished with the book before the end of the weekend (when a HP book comes out, I don't do anything but read.) and I made Will promise he wouldn't do something crazy like read only a chapter a day to make the whole thing last longer. I couldn't stand not being able to talk to him about it right away.
I do have to say though, as excited as I am, I'll also be a little bit sad about the end of the series. No more new books to look forward to, no new adventures. But getting to read how Rowling concludes the series will be great. I have no doubt that I'll be finished with the book before the end of the weekend (when a HP book comes out, I don't do anything but read.) and I made Will promise he wouldn't do something crazy like read only a chapter a day to make the whole thing last longer. I couldn't stand not being able to talk to him about it right away.
04 February 2007
New Medications are such Fun
I haven't posted recently, or as often as I'd like. That's just how it is. I have felt rather miserable this week. The new medication that I've been taking for the PCOS is really interesting. And by interesting I mean rather awful. The doctor warned me that it would make me sick until my body got used to it, so she started me off on a smaller dose, and our goal is to work up to the therapeutic dose over the course of the next month. Now seriously, when a doctor looks at you and says that these meds are going to make you sick, you should really listen. And the dose I'm on right now is only 500 mg; therapeutic is 2000 mg. I'm really glad we're starting out small. Seriously, the whole week has been one long experience of nausea. Friday night, Will and I were chatting and, I realized that it had been 24 whole hours that I hadn't felt nauseous...so I said as much...famous last words (some day I'll learn not to do this...) I went home and fell asleep, and by the time I woke up, there was the familiar nausea. What fun. Today, the dosage ups. Should be another fun week. I love ginger ale.
One thing I did learn this week is regarding the label on prescriptions that says "Take with food or milk". So, I took the pill with food. What I didn't realize is that they mean "Take with protein." Now really, how hard is it to write that? And am I the only person that didn't know that when they say 'food' they actually mean 'protein'?
And now that I've had a week to think about this, it's become much more psychological for me. My body is not doing what a normal female body is supposed to do. I am finding that this has had a much more profound effect on me than I expected. It's making me feel unattractive, undesirable, un-feminine, and not at all sexy. I feel defective, broken. There's the voice in my head that questions why any man would want a woman who may not be able to give him offspring. Will told me that none of this is remotely true. Now I just need to work on believing him. Although I must say, he's never lied to me before (he can't) and it doesn't seem like this would be the time for him to start. And I have to say, when we were talking about this and I started crying, he didn't freak out like a lot of guys do when women cry. He just listened. I'm so lucky to have him in my life.
One thing I did learn this week is regarding the label on prescriptions that says "Take with food or milk". So, I took the pill with food. What I didn't realize is that they mean "Take with protein." Now really, how hard is it to write that? And am I the only person that didn't know that when they say 'food' they actually mean 'protein'?
And now that I've had a week to think about this, it's become much more psychological for me. My body is not doing what a normal female body is supposed to do. I am finding that this has had a much more profound effect on me than I expected. It's making me feel unattractive, undesirable, un-feminine, and not at all sexy. I feel defective, broken. There's the voice in my head that questions why any man would want a woman who may not be able to give him offspring. Will told me that none of this is remotely true. Now I just need to work on believing him. Although I must say, he's never lied to me before (he can't) and it doesn't seem like this would be the time for him to start. And I have to say, when we were talking about this and I started crying, he didn't freak out like a lot of guys do when women cry. He just listened. I'm so lucky to have him in my life.
28 January 2007
Diagnosis and the renewing vows
This has really been quite the week. I haven't been feeling very well; and decided it was time to actually listen to my body and go see a doctor. I have to say, I am thrilled with my new doctor. She took me seriously, and listened to my concerns and was able to name what is wrong. I guess there is a certain sense of relief knowing that there is a name for this. Somehow things are a little less scary when they can be named. When I described my symptoms, she was very quickly able to diagnose it as Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). The name is kind of misleading because really the issue is with my endocrine system. It's a hormone imbalance which leads to problems with the ovaries releasing eggs.
Many women who have this condition (which is actually quite a lot, some numbers suggest as many as 1 in 10) have a very hard time conceiving because of the lack of ovulation. The other problem comes in that once conception occurs, women with PCOS frequently miscarry. The good news is I'm not in a place in my life for having children yet; and at least I already know that this will be an issue when I am, and I can plan accordingly. Whether it be working very closely with a doctor, or choosing another option, such as surrogacy or adoption. I know myself well enough to know that I couldn't handle having more than one miscarriage. It would destroy me to repeatedly go through that, and I don't really see the point when there are so many other viable options out there. There are so many children in the world who need a mommy and daddy to love them already. Now, I know that there are some women who HAVE to have their own baby. I really don't think I'm one of those women. Family is not just about blood relations to me. Family are the people you choose to have in your life. Preschool Queen is not my biological sister, but she IS my sister, just as Lead Momma is. And Captain Contrary may not really be my nephew (again biologically) but I'd argue with anyone who said he wasn't my nephew. I have claimed him as mine, and that's just how it is. And he feels the same way, he'll tell anyone who asks that I'm his Aunt, even though he knows I'm not a blood relative. Preschool Queen thinks that having this larger view of what "family" is will make it easier for me to adopt if that's the choice I make.
All that being said, am I scared? Of course. Am I sad? Sure. Am I a little angry? Not yet, but I'm sure I'll get there shortly. However, I'm not dying and this can be as big or small an issue as I make it. It is a part of me, I'll own it as such; but it won't destroy me or rule my life.
Preschool Queen and I went to New Hampshire yesterday to meet my parents. So I talked to Mom about all of this for a little bit. Usually PCOS is hereditary. It doesn't seem to be the case here. Anyway on our way down, about 10 minutes before we met Mom and Dad, Preschool Queen started talking about the fact that she and Homer were going to renew their vows for their 10 anniversary (which is in May). She told me that the Ex would be there. I told her I expected as much, since he is one of Homer's best friends. And then she dropped the bomb on me. She told me that he has a new girlfriend. I was speechless. I always had hoped that I would be the one to move on first. And the grown up side of me is glad that he's found someone and is happy (she said he really did seem happy) after all I am the one that ultimately ended the relationship, but there's the other side of me that feels like a real loser for being single still; and not having anyone else. Of course I'll be at the vow renewal ceremony and party, but it'll really suck to be there and be single (I think I'm the only single friend that they have.)
And then I get over myself and realize how much I really do have going for me. I am a very successful woman, I have the resources to travel when I want to, I have amazing friends, and I'm pretty happy with my life right now. I'm starting to seriously think about grad school; and other career options, and really, what's the worst that will happen, I'll be alone at this ceremony and party. Big deal, I'm pretty sure that won't kill me. And besides if the new medications work the way they are supposed to, I will have lost weight by then. Preschool Queen says the best thing in the world is to be living well (looking great doesn't hurt either...)
Many women who have this condition (which is actually quite a lot, some numbers suggest as many as 1 in 10) have a very hard time conceiving because of the lack of ovulation. The other problem comes in that once conception occurs, women with PCOS frequently miscarry. The good news is I'm not in a place in my life for having children yet; and at least I already know that this will be an issue when I am, and I can plan accordingly. Whether it be working very closely with a doctor, or choosing another option, such as surrogacy or adoption. I know myself well enough to know that I couldn't handle having more than one miscarriage. It would destroy me to repeatedly go through that, and I don't really see the point when there are so many other viable options out there. There are so many children in the world who need a mommy and daddy to love them already. Now, I know that there are some women who HAVE to have their own baby. I really don't think I'm one of those women. Family is not just about blood relations to me. Family are the people you choose to have in your life. Preschool Queen is not my biological sister, but she IS my sister, just as Lead Momma is. And Captain Contrary may not really be my nephew (again biologically) but I'd argue with anyone who said he wasn't my nephew. I have claimed him as mine, and that's just how it is. And he feels the same way, he'll tell anyone who asks that I'm his Aunt, even though he knows I'm not a blood relative. Preschool Queen thinks that having this larger view of what "family" is will make it easier for me to adopt if that's the choice I make.
All that being said, am I scared? Of course. Am I sad? Sure. Am I a little angry? Not yet, but I'm sure I'll get there shortly. However, I'm not dying and this can be as big or small an issue as I make it. It is a part of me, I'll own it as such; but it won't destroy me or rule my life.
Preschool Queen and I went to New Hampshire yesterday to meet my parents. So I talked to Mom about all of this for a little bit. Usually PCOS is hereditary. It doesn't seem to be the case here. Anyway on our way down, about 10 minutes before we met Mom and Dad, Preschool Queen started talking about the fact that she and Homer were going to renew their vows for their 10 anniversary (which is in May). She told me that the Ex would be there. I told her I expected as much, since he is one of Homer's best friends. And then she dropped the bomb on me. She told me that he has a new girlfriend. I was speechless. I always had hoped that I would be the one to move on first. And the grown up side of me is glad that he's found someone and is happy (she said he really did seem happy) after all I am the one that ultimately ended the relationship, but there's the other side of me that feels like a real loser for being single still; and not having anyone else. Of course I'll be at the vow renewal ceremony and party, but it'll really suck to be there and be single (I think I'm the only single friend that they have.)
And then I get over myself and realize how much I really do have going for me. I am a very successful woman, I have the resources to travel when I want to, I have amazing friends, and I'm pretty happy with my life right now. I'm starting to seriously think about grad school; and other career options, and really, what's the worst that will happen, I'll be alone at this ceremony and party. Big deal, I'm pretty sure that won't kill me. And besides if the new medications work the way they are supposed to, I will have lost weight by then. Preschool Queen says the best thing in the world is to be living well (looking great doesn't hurt either...)
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