Lead Momma, This One's For You...

Lead Momma, this one's for you...
So I was just watching the NASCAR race from California. And I have to say, NASCAR continues to sell out at an alarming rate. That's really besides the point. Anyway, I was watching the prerace show and this season they have a song or two during the show (last week at Daytona it was Kelly Clarkson). This week it was Sammy Hagar (who predictably sang I Can't Drive 55). All of this is build up to say the drummer was wearing a t-shirt that said "More Cowbell". I actually laughed out loud; and instantly thought of Lead Momma. Hope you're enjoying sunny Southern California!!

In completely unrelated news, Preschool Queen and family are on their way to Disney for the week (I hope...) I dropped them off at the airport around 4:30 this morning, they were supposed to be flying out around 6:15. They seem to have all the luck of the Griswold's in National Lampoon's Family Vacation. There is some severe inclement weather near their layover airport, and so were stuck here until the weather cleared. Hopefully they'll make it. I can completely understand the frustration. When she called, though, I told her that at least they were still in the terminal and not stuck on the tarmac. She said that Homer was thinking of changing his name to Clark Griswold.
I picked them up shortly before 4, and although Captain Contrary is NOT a morning person, he was bouncing off the walls (it IS Disney after all). He, Homer and I were lugging suitcases out to the van, and he was ready to go. And as we packed the van, he said, "okay, let's go!" I asked him if he wanted to wait for his mommy, and he said, "no, you can go with us, instead." It just cracked both Homer and I up.

A few weeks ago, in one of my posts, I mentioned that I was in love, but that things were very complicated. It hasn't been remotely easy, but this afternoon I woke up and realized something. Things are over, but it doesn't have anything to do with me, it's not because he doesn't love me or want me anymore. And I know he didn't use me. I know I've heard these things countless times, and have actually said these things; but now I know them to really be true. I trust these facts now. And somehow found some peace with things. Are my feelings gone? Not remotely, but it makes it easier to know that he does still care.


Thought I'd update for anyone interested in the continuing saga of traveling in the winter. Preschool Queen called me a little after 8:30 pm to let me know that they finally reached Orlando (they were supposed to be there by noon...). And they were the last flight out of DC this evening due to icing. What fun, but they are there, and safe and sound and ready to enjoy the park!!

Sidewalk plows are my salvation

Hey! Okay, so it's been a while since I last wrote. Homer and his brother came over to help me get my car out of the driveway. When he saw the path I had created, he named it my suicide path, saying that if I slipped, I'd end up crushing my head on the road. So, less than 24 hours after I shoveled my suicide path, the town bulldozers and dump trucks came and moved away the snow on the street to return the parking (yeah!!!). Then the sidewalk plow came along and I was thinking how great it would be to get out. (Right, famous last thoughts) Anyway, the sidewalk plow got stuck right in front of my steps and just stopped plowing there. So again, I had a huge pile of snow blocking my way in and out. I think Will can attest to how angry this all made me. One of the ladies I'm cruising with next month said she would have been outside in her nightgown yelling at them. (I almost was, well not in my nightgown, but in my sweats...)
So today they finally got a new sidewalk plow and cleaned the sidewalks. Better late than never, I suppose!!
I can't believe the cruise is so soon! One of the ladies I'm going with is so excited that she has already packed her bags. Me, not so much. I'll pack a few days before the trip. Preschool Queen is sharing a bunch of her new spring clothes with me for the trip. I tried them on last week and they look really cool. The other lady just told us that she's afraid of flying. Great. Maybe she should have thought of that first. Although I was pretty skittish about flying until my trip to London. There's nothing like being trapped on a plane for 8 hours to either make you crazy or make you get over that fear. I'm actually looking forward to it now. And as long as there's no rogue wave, I'll be good. I'm really looking forward to just sitting on the deck or on the beach and just relaxing. No stress, no worries, right?

Snow, Snow and MORE SNOW

Beneath this second story window is the roof of the bay window in the apartment below mine.

This one is one of my favorites. It was taken from my living room window of the path I had to shovel this morning before I could get to the front door. When I go back outside tonight I'll take some more from street level, so you can get the idea of how deep the snow is.

This is the same view from the rainy picture in January...

Remember just last month when I took the picture of the rainy day? And I was complaining that it shouldn't be raining during the winter in northern Vermont? I take it back. It has been snowing, and snowing and snowing. It started early Wednesday morning and it just kept snowing. Today (Friday) is the first time I've been able to get home. So, since I'm finally here, and my car is now stuck in the driveway, I'm going to take a warm shower in the attempts to come to room temperature; and then I'm going to sleep! Australia is sounding better and better!! Homer said he's willing to go too! I promise more later! I've had so many ideas to blog about over the last 3 days, but for the moment they escape me (I think I need a notebook!)

The GRE

Now that I've decided to apply to Grad School, I reluctantly realize that it's time to think about taking the GRE. Nothing unnerves me more that standardized tests. I can't even begin to explain how much these kinds of things stress me out. Bottom line, I don't test well. What usually ends up happening is I freak out about my weaknesses, which of course, would be the math section. I HATE MATH. I can't put it any more clearly than that.
Lead Momma has been studying for the GRE as well, and has actually taken a few practice tests as well. After one of these events, she called and we were chatting about the exam. One thing that she brought up was a math problem that involved several triangles and the instructions to find the angles. Right. I wouldn't even know where to begin. Sure I did fine in Geometry and Algebra when I was in High School, but I graduated WAY TOO LONG AGO!!! Dr Spaz really can't understand what the big deal is about the math portion of this test. He's a math wiz, gotta love those engineers. Lead Momma and I both got degrees in Elementary Education. I joke that the reason I did this (instead of Middle School and High School) was because I figured I could at least teach third grade math... Dr Spaz asked her when she taught sign and co-sign. She just looked at him funny, and said that she thought that came sometime in high school. He said it was something he was taught as a child (ahh, education in communist Russia...) My response to this exchange was: sign, co-sign? What IS that? When will I need to use that information in daily life? So as you can see, I'll be studying a lot of math. Anyone who has taken the GRE and has any tips, they'd be very welcome...
The next thing about this test, why do I need to take a test about math? My desired program has NOTHING to do with math. Not even close. What is the point of seeing if I can find all the angles of a triangle? Will and I have discussed this at length. I was sharing with him the conversation that Lead Momma and I had about the triangle question, and he wanted to know who would really care about the angles of a triangle. I'm sure there's some reason for it; I just can't seem to see what it is. Sure, a math test makes sense if you're looking to get a Master's in some sort of science or math related field. I want a degree in Diplomacy. Reading the course descriptions, no math, none whatsoever. What's the point? Somebody help me out here!

I'm Struggling

I'm struggling right now, really struggling. (now I realize that my struggle is nothing compared to the struggles of others in this world, but this is the life that I have, and right now, I'm struggling in it.) I have found that writing can be so very therapeutic, so I ask for indulgence right now.
This medication is miserable. Picture it, you wake up, feeling okay, and know that you have to take a pill that within an hour will make you very sick. And you have to do this twice a day. It just wears off every night at work around 3 in the morning, and I have four precious hours where I feel normal, and then I get home at 7 and have to take it again. Seriously, why would I want to do this over and over again? Lately, I've been staring at the pill for longer and longer before I actually take it. I know that this is only temporary until I get used to it, but it's really getting old. Fast. I'm so tired of crackers and ginger ale and peanut butter and bananas on english muffins.
I'm still not feeling any better about myself regarding the PCOS. I know it's all in my head, but I feel less than feminine, undesirable and defective. Some friends have made the comment that it's not such a big deal because I'm not currently trying to start a family. And I have to say it's little consolation. Not at all what I'm looking for. Oh, have I mentioned that all the women who have said this have had at least one child? They're looking at this from a completely different viewpoint than mine. And it's starting to tick me off, and withdrawal from them when I really do need my friends around me.
I'm in love with the most amazing man I've ever met, but circumstances keep us from becoming a couple. I have never loved anyone the way that I love him, and I know for certain that I've never been loved the way he loves me. He looks at me as if there is no one else in the room. Nobody has ever looked at me that way. It just breaks my heart. When is it my turn to be happy?
It all makes me want to run away to Australia...For those of you unfamiliar with the story, when I was growing up, my favorite book was Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day by Judith Viorst. Alexander is a little boy, who, as the title says, has a really bad day, and as he's relating all of the miserable events, he keeps saying that he's going to run away to Australia. Now, by the end of the book Alexander figures that bad days happen to everyone once in a while, and would probably even happen in Australia. I just love the book, and so when I'm having one of those days(which have been a lot of days lately...), I think about booking a flight to Australia...

HP #7

I know the announcement came out last week, and everybody has probably heard, but JK Rowling and Scholastic announced the release date for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, the final book in the series. It's coming out on July 21st. I am so very excited about this. I've already pre-ordered my copy from Amazon. I also ordered a copy for Captain Contrary (I started buying them for him when he was born, and have continued as each one comes out). July will truly be a Harry Potter month, the 5th movie on the 13th, and then just 8 days later, the book will be here. I think the only person I've encountered who is as excited as I am is Will. This is one of the things that we share, we are both true Harry Potter nuts. And since the release date was named (well, before that really) we've been discussing how Harry will defeat Voldemort (or even if he will defeat him). And this is something that we completely disagree on, I think that Harry is going to die in the process, if you will, he'll sacrifice himself for the good of humanity. Will completely disagrees with me, and thinks that Harry and Ginny will walk off into the sunset together. So, of course, we bet on the outcome, and the person who is wrong, has to buy dinner. It actually cracks me up how serious our conversations can be about a work of fiction. And so the countdown begins!
I do have to say though, as excited as I am, I'll also be a little bit sad about the end of the series. No more new books to look forward to, no new adventures. But getting to read how Rowling concludes the series will be great. I have no doubt that I'll be finished with the book before the end of the weekend (when a HP book comes out, I don't do anything but read.) and I made Will promise he wouldn't do something crazy like read only a chapter a day to make the whole thing last longer. I couldn't stand not being able to talk to him about it right away.

New Medications are such Fun

I haven't posted recently, or as often as I'd like. That's just how it is. I have felt rather miserable this week. The new medication that I've been taking for the PCOS is really interesting. And by interesting I mean rather awful. The doctor warned me that it would make me sick until my body got used to it, so she started me off on a smaller dose, and our goal is to work up to the therapeutic dose over the course of the next month. Now seriously, when a doctor looks at you and says that these meds are going to make you sick, you should really listen. And the dose I'm on right now is only 500 mg; therapeutic is 2000 mg. I'm really glad we're starting out small. Seriously, the whole week has been one long experience of nausea. Friday night, Will and I were chatting and, I realized that it had been 24 whole hours that I hadn't felt nauseous...so I said as much...famous last words (some day I'll learn not to do this...) I went home and fell asleep, and by the time I woke up, there was the familiar nausea. What fun. Today, the dosage ups. Should be another fun week. I love ginger ale.
One thing I did learn this week is regarding the label on prescriptions that says "Take with food or milk". So, I took the pill with food. What I didn't realize is that they mean "Take with protein." Now really, how hard is it to write that? And am I the only person that didn't know that when they say 'food' they actually mean 'protein'?
And now that I've had a week to think about this, it's become much more psychological for me. My body is not doing what a normal female body is supposed to do. I am finding that this has had a much more profound effect on me than I expected. It's making me feel unattractive, undesirable, un-feminine, and not at all sexy. I feel defective, broken. There's the voice in my head that questions why any man would want a woman who may not be able to give him offspring. Will told me that none of this is remotely true. Now I just need to work on believing him. Although I must say, he's never lied to me before (he can't) and it doesn't seem like this would be the time for him to start. And I have to say, when we were talking about this and I started crying, he didn't freak out like a lot of guys do when women cry. He just listened. I'm so lucky to have him in my life.