I just got back from watching a movie at a friend's house. We watched the movie Friends with Money. And it wasn't great, however there was just one scene that made me ache. Two of the couples are driving home separately from a charity function, and in each situation the husband looks over at his wife and says, "you were the prettiest one there." She looks back at him with such love and admiration. It was just such a sweet scene. It almost made me cry. That's what I'm looking for. Someone who really thinks that I'm the prettiest woman in any given room. I don't know if the ex ever felt that way, he never said as such. Never in all that time. He never said anything like that. He never looked at me that way. My friend was asking me about the ex, and I was telling her that I hadn't heard from him in ages. She said that Preschool Queen had told her that I was mad at him. And I quickly corrected her, saying that I wasn't mad, but hurt. She told me the same thing Will did, that it's okay to be mad at him. I guess I never felt that way because ultimately I made the decision to end the relationship, but maybe they both are right. Hmm, again, I've put in writing that Will is right. I need to stop doing that, it's going to start going to his head ;)
The weather here has been miserable lately, with yesterday being the exception. Rain day after day can be a drag, but it's when I start baking. I love to fill the house with mouth watering aromas, and even more than the baking I love to share what I have made with the people I care about most. Hey I'll have an entire extra hour, wonder how I'll spend it...
28 October 2006
More Randomness
The cookies were a total success! I am actually amazed at how well they came out. Everyone at work loved them. The guys in the communications center who had been complaining that I never brought them cookies anymore were thrilled. And of course Will loved them, I think he has the rest of them for tonight, which will be a long one with the time change(yeah!! and extra hour to sleep!! I love the end of daylight saving time!). Marshmallow26, I wish I could share some of them with you!
In totally unrelated news, the St Louis Cardinals won the World Series last night. A lot of my family still lives there, so naturally, I called my cousin to see how they were celebrating. She actually made me cry when we were talking. Our grandfather died 10 years ago, and he was the biggest baseball fan ever, and absolutely loved the Cardinals. As we were talking she was crying saying that this was for him. And at that moment, I just knew that he was smiling. So, of course, as I was walking back into work, I was in tears (we can't use our cell phones in the office for a variety of reasons, security as well as the fact that the building interferes with the signal) and had to quickly pull myself back together, which I did successfully. Will wonders never cease? Will of course would say that just about anything makes me cry, movies, TV shows, books, songs...the list goes on and on and on. And he's forever teasing me about it.
I am so looking forward to this weekend, other than spending some time tonight with a friend and her daughter, I have no plans. Nothing that I have to do at all. I can do (or not do) whatever I want. And I can relax. And get ready for next weekend which involves a trip to see my parents. I love them dearly, but they drive me nuts. Although this time, I'm really going to try not to lose my temper. It's my father's birthday, and I'm driving down to surprise him, and since I have no time off at Thanksgiving, I won't be able to get down there again before I leave for London. I can't believe it's almost November! Where has this year gone? So much of it has been a total blur for me.
Nothing new to report with TSO, we chatted last night, but no new developments there. I swear I'll be 40 before he asks me out. Although maybe he's just not interested, and will never ask me out. Who knows. I hope he's interested, though.
LATER THAT MORNING....
So, I had to take care of my recycling and trash this morning. I guess I should start the story with the fact that it is about 40 degrees F and pouring rain. I was walking outside with my box full of recycling, and somehow missed the last step, and fell, recycling went everywhere, I mean everywhere, and my pants were soaked from falling on the front porch, did I mention that it's pouring? So of course I'm running around trying to pick up all the paper before the wind picks it up and scatters it all over the town. How typical, I think this goes with the "just call me Gracie" story. I think it was probably pretty comical to watch, although I don't think anyone caught the show...
In totally unrelated news, the St Louis Cardinals won the World Series last night. A lot of my family still lives there, so naturally, I called my cousin to see how they were celebrating. She actually made me cry when we were talking. Our grandfather died 10 years ago, and he was the biggest baseball fan ever, and absolutely loved the Cardinals. As we were talking she was crying saying that this was for him. And at that moment, I just knew that he was smiling. So, of course, as I was walking back into work, I was in tears (we can't use our cell phones in the office for a variety of reasons, security as well as the fact that the building interferes with the signal) and had to quickly pull myself back together, which I did successfully. Will wonders never cease? Will of course would say that just about anything makes me cry, movies, TV shows, books, songs...the list goes on and on and on. And he's forever teasing me about it.
I am so looking forward to this weekend, other than spending some time tonight with a friend and her daughter, I have no plans. Nothing that I have to do at all. I can do (or not do) whatever I want. And I can relax. And get ready for next weekend which involves a trip to see my parents. I love them dearly, but they drive me nuts. Although this time, I'm really going to try not to lose my temper. It's my father's birthday, and I'm driving down to surprise him, and since I have no time off at Thanksgiving, I won't be able to get down there again before I leave for London. I can't believe it's almost November! Where has this year gone? So much of it has been a total blur for me.
Nothing new to report with TSO, we chatted last night, but no new developments there. I swear I'll be 40 before he asks me out. Although maybe he's just not interested, and will never ask me out. Who knows. I hope he's interested, though.
LATER THAT MORNING....
So, I had to take care of my recycling and trash this morning. I guess I should start the story with the fact that it is about 40 degrees F and pouring rain. I was walking outside with my box full of recycling, and somehow missed the last step, and fell, recycling went everywhere, I mean everywhere, and my pants were soaked from falling on the front porch, did I mention that it's pouring? So of course I'm running around trying to pick up all the paper before the wind picks it up and scatters it all over the town. How typical, I think this goes with the "just call me Gracie" story. I think it was probably pretty comical to watch, although I don't think anyone caught the show...
27 October 2006
Tax Purposes (hahaha)
This is a story that at first I was unsure about putting on the blog. I didn't want to offend anyone's sensibilities. However, after discussing it with Lead Momma, and listening to her hysterical laughter, I decided to write it. This one goes in the glad-my-life-isn't-this-messed-up category.
So, there is a guy I work with--he can remain nameless for our purposes. He went to visit some friends of his who used to work in our office, but have since moved to the Southwest. While he was down there, he married them. Yes, I said them. When I got to work on Monday night, he came over to my desk, and was waving his hand in front of my face, showing his wedding bands. Yes, I said bands. So I looked at him and said, "did you get married?" And he said, "yeah, I did." Of course at this point, I'm really confused because I didn't know he had been dating anyone. My next question was, "Who did you marry?" And he named the woman he had gone to see, and her life partner. I didn't say anything for a minute, and then said, "but how? Isn't that illegal?" Not even bothering to get into the why anyone would want to marry a lesbian couple in the first place. He said something about being Mormon now, which I didn't buy for a second, because regardless of religion, polygamy is against the law. Then he said something ridiculous about it being for tax purposes, although for the life of me, I have yet to be able to figure out what tax purposes those could possibly be. So I guess he's going to leave in the spring and buy a ranch near where they live. Explain something to me, how is this going to work? Why would anyone want to marry two women? And what are the tax benefits?
Lead Momma thought I was making this story up. There is no way I have an imagination like that. One of the ladies just sighed and shook her head, not really knowing what to make of it, the other almost fell out of her chair. Will was just incredulous.
I keep having to jump up while I'm writing. I'm baking cookies, Will requested chocolate chip, and I'm struggling with the miserable oven here. It can only bake one tray at a time, and while when it is empty the temp is just perfect, once a tray is put in, the temp spikes, so it's kind of a challenge. I hope he appreciates these cookies. I actually just hope they come out okay. There goes the timer again!So, what really annoys me is the yield on just about any cookie recipe. I mean really, this one that I use for making chocolate chip cookies says you should be able to make 6-8 dozen cookies. I have NEVER been able to get more than 3 dozen cookies out of the dough. How small are the cookies that are made in the test kitchen?
The more I write here, the more I understand what Lead Momma has been saying to me about journaling in a scrapbook. Sure I get the who, what, where, and when down, but I'm never very good at the how or why. And that's what is so great about all of her scrapbooks, she writes from the heart, and gets what is so important on the paper. And while I'm always able to discuss it logically, I've just never been good at it. Now I get it. I think this has been my "Ah-ha" moment. And I have so many ideas of what I want to put into future scrapbooks. I can hardly wait to work on my London scrapbook. Speaking of which, I found some bus tours that take you from London to Stonehenge and Bath and Salisbury, so that sounds pretty cool.
So, at least the cookies didn't burn. They're crispier than I usually like them, but the flavor rocks. Hopefully everyone will like them!
So, there is a guy I work with--he can remain nameless for our purposes. He went to visit some friends of his who used to work in our office, but have since moved to the Southwest. While he was down there, he married them. Yes, I said them. When I got to work on Monday night, he came over to my desk, and was waving his hand in front of my face, showing his wedding bands. Yes, I said bands. So I looked at him and said, "did you get married?" And he said, "yeah, I did." Of course at this point, I'm really confused because I didn't know he had been dating anyone. My next question was, "Who did you marry?" And he named the woman he had gone to see, and her life partner. I didn't say anything for a minute, and then said, "but how? Isn't that illegal?" Not even bothering to get into the why anyone would want to marry a lesbian couple in the first place. He said something about being Mormon now, which I didn't buy for a second, because regardless of religion, polygamy is against the law. Then he said something ridiculous about it being for tax purposes, although for the life of me, I have yet to be able to figure out what tax purposes those could possibly be. So I guess he's going to leave in the spring and buy a ranch near where they live. Explain something to me, how is this going to work? Why would anyone want to marry two women? And what are the tax benefits?
Lead Momma thought I was making this story up. There is no way I have an imagination like that. One of the ladies just sighed and shook her head, not really knowing what to make of it, the other almost fell out of her chair. Will was just incredulous.
I keep having to jump up while I'm writing. I'm baking cookies, Will requested chocolate chip, and I'm struggling with the miserable oven here. It can only bake one tray at a time, and while when it is empty the temp is just perfect, once a tray is put in, the temp spikes, so it's kind of a challenge. I hope he appreciates these cookies. I actually just hope they come out okay. There goes the timer again!So, what really annoys me is the yield on just about any cookie recipe. I mean really, this one that I use for making chocolate chip cookies says you should be able to make 6-8 dozen cookies. I have NEVER been able to get more than 3 dozen cookies out of the dough. How small are the cookies that are made in the test kitchen?
The more I write here, the more I understand what Lead Momma has been saying to me about journaling in a scrapbook. Sure I get the who, what, where, and when down, but I'm never very good at the how or why. And that's what is so great about all of her scrapbooks, she writes from the heart, and gets what is so important on the paper. And while I'm always able to discuss it logically, I've just never been good at it. Now I get it. I think this has been my "Ah-ha" moment. And I have so many ideas of what I want to put into future scrapbooks. I can hardly wait to work on my London scrapbook. Speaking of which, I found some bus tours that take you from London to Stonehenge and Bath and Salisbury, so that sounds pretty cool.
So, at least the cookies didn't burn. They're crispier than I usually like them, but the flavor rocks. Hopefully everyone will like them!
26 October 2006
Random Thoughts
Another week is almost over, and it's now 5 weeks before I leave for London. In the latest news there, I think I'll take a day trip to Stonehenge. I think it's one of those must see things. There is a woman I work with, one of the ladies, who is a total overplanner when it comes to vacations. She usually has at least 10 lists, and has packed and re-packed at least 3 times by now. And she's totally freaking out because I haven't even started thinking about what to bring with me yet. I figure I have a pretty good idea of what I want to bring, and the lists and all that can come when there's a week left, not more than a month. Anyway, it's been a running joke at work. I keep teasing her asking if she's started packing for our cruise yet.
As I've been dealing with the fall out of my break up, I've realized that I'm really hurt about one thing in particular. When I told the ex that I was done waiting for him, he swore up and down that he wanted me back and that he would do whatever I needed. The last time I saw him, I told him exactly what that was, I told him that I needed to feel appreciated. I said, bring me flowers once in a while, take me to dinner someplace nice, make me feel like I rock your world. And he told me he would, he promised me he would, just like he had talked about getting married for years... I haven't heard from him since the middle of last month. I guess it's a real example of actions speaking louder than words. Will keeps telling me that I'm better off without him, and happier, and nicer; but this makes me feel unwanted and rejected. I mean if he didn't want any of this, why waste the last 6 years? Why didn't he cut ties much sooner? Why did he wait for me to get fed up? I guess this is just all part of the process of moving on, right? It just makes me so angry that I don't seem to matter, but of course, I guess that was the problem all along.
I wish I could just turn off my feelings about Will the way he did with his feelings about me. I can't change gears that fast, but it's slowly starting to go away. It was so nice to talk to TSO last night. Talking to him, or even now, thinking about it, makes me smile. When we're talking he's so focused on me and our conversation. It almost seems like no one else is around, even when there are tons of people are milling around. Okay, so I'm getting gushy, but that's how I feel. Unfortunately, our conversation was interrupted by another person from 2nd shift. We both ignored the other person for a while, but then I gave up and walked away. Another of my friends thinks I should quit wasting my time on TSO, but I don't see it as wasting time yet. Will (and Preschool Queen) both say that if it's going to happen it will, so I guess I'm taking their advice and ignoring this other friend who sometimes gets overly preachy.
UPDATE: So, after reading this post, Lead Momma called me this morning, and the first words out of her mouth were, "I'm not the preachy one, am I?". I burst out laughing, while at the same time I felt awful. For anyone else out there who thought it may have been her, it was NOT. She has been the most supportive, non-judgmental friend anyone could ask for. We had a laugh over it, and chalked it up to good old-fashioned Catholic guilt. Anyway, just had to add that update, more tomorrow...
As I've been dealing with the fall out of my break up, I've realized that I'm really hurt about one thing in particular. When I told the ex that I was done waiting for him, he swore up and down that he wanted me back and that he would do whatever I needed. The last time I saw him, I told him exactly what that was, I told him that I needed to feel appreciated. I said, bring me flowers once in a while, take me to dinner someplace nice, make me feel like I rock your world. And he told me he would, he promised me he would, just like he had talked about getting married for years... I haven't heard from him since the middle of last month. I guess it's a real example of actions speaking louder than words. Will keeps telling me that I'm better off without him, and happier, and nicer; but this makes me feel unwanted and rejected. I mean if he didn't want any of this, why waste the last 6 years? Why didn't he cut ties much sooner? Why did he wait for me to get fed up? I guess this is just all part of the process of moving on, right? It just makes me so angry that I don't seem to matter, but of course, I guess that was the problem all along.
I wish I could just turn off my feelings about Will the way he did with his feelings about me. I can't change gears that fast, but it's slowly starting to go away. It was so nice to talk to TSO last night. Talking to him, or even now, thinking about it, makes me smile. When we're talking he's so focused on me and our conversation. It almost seems like no one else is around, even when there are tons of people are milling around. Okay, so I'm getting gushy, but that's how I feel. Unfortunately, our conversation was interrupted by another person from 2nd shift. We both ignored the other person for a while, but then I gave up and walked away. Another of my friends thinks I should quit wasting my time on TSO, but I don't see it as wasting time yet. Will (and Preschool Queen) both say that if it's going to happen it will, so I guess I'm taking their advice and ignoring this other friend who sometimes gets overly preachy.
UPDATE: So, after reading this post, Lead Momma called me this morning, and the first words out of her mouth were, "I'm not the preachy one, am I?". I burst out laughing, while at the same time I felt awful. For anyone else out there who thought it may have been her, it was NOT. She has been the most supportive, non-judgmental friend anyone could ask for. We had a laugh over it, and chalked it up to good old-fashioned Catholic guilt. Anyway, just had to add that update, more tomorrow...
22 October 2006
What's my Type?
So, Will and I have discussed this at length lately, actually we've talked about it in the past, as well. Typically, I'm attracted to "the bad boy". For example, I prefer Sawyer on Lost to Jack.
I can't say exactly what it is, maybe it's the excitement, or the bit of danger. Whatever it is, that's the kind of guy I'm drawn to.
TSO can only be described as wholesome. In fact, I think that would describe Will as well. And usually that word, wholesome, has negative connotations for me: boring, uptight, generally not fun(I have to say, though, that neither of these men are boring, uptight or not fun...in fact, Will is a lot of fun, and quite funny). On the other hand, wholesome guys are good, and nice, and sincere, and aren't the type of guy to break your heart just to watch you cry, they're caring and considerate as well. Maybe the good qualities of "wholesome" outweigh the bad ones? As Will and I were talking, he said that even though this wasn't the kind of guy I usually liked, maybe it should be. Maybe wholesome guys are the kind that are more likely to want to settle down, and start a family--both things that I want at this point in my life. As usual, I will have to grudgingly admit that Will is probably right, as much as it pains me to do so...:) Can you believe I actually put that in writing? Hmm...he could hold this over me forever now. More than once I've had to admit that he's right about some thing or another (not the easiest thing for me to do...) but I've never put it in writing until now.
Yesterday was the party at Preschool Queen and Homer's house. It was nice. And that's about it, it wasn't wild, it wasn't great, just nice. Actually since I can be completely honest here, it was pretty boring. Provided I was really exhausted, and so wasn't the life of the party myself, but it just didn't rock like last year's party did. Oh well, every party can't be the best ever.
Last night I booked some things to do while in London. Again, this goes with my personality of having things planned in advance. So, since I was a child, my favorite Disney movie has always been Mary Poppins. Ever since I learned that it has been made into a play, I've been dying to see it. And I figured if there is one place to see it, it would have to be London. The more planning and organizing I do for this trip, the more real it becomes to me. I still can't believe I'm actually doing this!!
I can't say exactly what it is, maybe it's the excitement, or the bit of danger. Whatever it is, that's the kind of guy I'm drawn to.
TSO can only be described as wholesome. In fact, I think that would describe Will as well. And usually that word, wholesome, has negative connotations for me: boring, uptight, generally not fun(I have to say, though, that neither of these men are boring, uptight or not fun...in fact, Will is a lot of fun, and quite funny). On the other hand, wholesome guys are good, and nice, and sincere, and aren't the type of guy to break your heart just to watch you cry, they're caring and considerate as well. Maybe the good qualities of "wholesome" outweigh the bad ones? As Will and I were talking, he said that even though this wasn't the kind of guy I usually liked, maybe it should be. Maybe wholesome guys are the kind that are more likely to want to settle down, and start a family--both things that I want at this point in my life. As usual, I will have to grudgingly admit that Will is probably right, as much as it pains me to do so...:) Can you believe I actually put that in writing? Hmm...he could hold this over me forever now. More than once I've had to admit that he's right about some thing or another (not the easiest thing for me to do...) but I've never put it in writing until now.
Yesterday was the party at Preschool Queen and Homer's house. It was nice. And that's about it, it wasn't wild, it wasn't great, just nice. Actually since I can be completely honest here, it was pretty boring. Provided I was really exhausted, and so wasn't the life of the party myself, but it just didn't rock like last year's party did. Oh well, every party can't be the best ever.
Last night I booked some things to do while in London. Again, this goes with my personality of having things planned in advance. So, since I was a child, my favorite Disney movie has always been Mary Poppins. Ever since I learned that it has been made into a play, I've been dying to see it. And I figured if there is one place to see it, it would have to be London. The more planning and organizing I do for this trip, the more real it becomes to me. I still can't believe I'm actually doing this!!
21 October 2006
It's Too Early For Snow!
Pardon me while I rant for a few minutes. Last night I left the house at the same time I always do. It was cold, but barely raining in my little town. I take the back roads to work when the weather is okay, because they are faster. So I got about 15 minutes from my house, and there was snow. Yes SNOW on October 20, slushy, wet, heavy snow. So much that the plow trucks were out, well, at least in one town. No such luck in the next one that I drove through. And as if I wasn't running late enough on my way in, when I turned on to the last road I take, I had to follow the plow truck. There's nothing quite like going 20mph for 6 miles when you know you're running late. TSO told me I should look at it as at least I was safe behind the plow. Yes, safe, but annoyed. Lead Momma, clear out the spare room...
Okay, enough of the rant for now. I'm just not ready for winter yet, Halloween is still a week and a half away!
Later today is the party, and I'm pretty psyched about it. I was chatting with Homer last night, and he wasn't sure but didn't think that the ex would be showing up. Things get so difficult when you share a group of friends. It's not that things are bad, I just have no desire to deal.
So, I'm working really hard on getting back to normal with Will. Sometimes it's easy to do, and other times, it's more challenging. The easy times outweigh the harder ones, which is good, and I think in time the challenging moments will go away. His wife baked an apple spice cake today, and actually sent him to work with a piece for me, with the promise that it wasn't poisoned (I thought that was quite funny). She's way nicer than I could ever be, which makes me feel even worse about how I've been feeling about her husband. His friendship is so important to me that I'm really glad she hasn't told him to stay away from me, I'd feel lost without him. I can tell him anything and everything and I really value his advice and opinion, although I rarely tell him that.
I'm off to watch last night's episode of Battlestar (yes I'm a sci fi fan) and take a nap before the party so I can have more than one margarita. I think after the week I've had I should have a few...
Okay, enough of the rant for now. I'm just not ready for winter yet, Halloween is still a week and a half away!
Later today is the party, and I'm pretty psyched about it. I was chatting with Homer last night, and he wasn't sure but didn't think that the ex would be showing up. Things get so difficult when you share a group of friends. It's not that things are bad, I just have no desire to deal.
So, I'm working really hard on getting back to normal with Will. Sometimes it's easy to do, and other times, it's more challenging. The easy times outweigh the harder ones, which is good, and I think in time the challenging moments will go away. His wife baked an apple spice cake today, and actually sent him to work with a piece for me, with the promise that it wasn't poisoned (I thought that was quite funny). She's way nicer than I could ever be, which makes me feel even worse about how I've been feeling about her husband. His friendship is so important to me that I'm really glad she hasn't told him to stay away from me, I'd feel lost without him. I can tell him anything and everything and I really value his advice and opinion, although I rarely tell him that.
I'm off to watch last night's episode of Battlestar (yes I'm a sci fi fan) and take a nap before the party so I can have more than one margarita. I think after the week I've had I should have a few...
20 October 2006
The Week in Review
As I mentioned yesterday, the ladies and I booked our cruise yesterday morning. We're flying down to Ft Lauderdale, FL and sailing from there at the end of March. We're going to Freeport, Grand Cayman, and Costa Maya, Mexico. I can't wait to see the ruins in Mexico. It's a six day cruise. I'm really excited about it, but I'm also a little nervous about traveling with women I only know from work (I think I may have already said that yesterday). What if we get sick of each other? I guess at least the boat is really big, and we can split up and do our own thing if we feel it's necessary. I think it'll be a really great time, and very relaxing. We have already made the rule, similar to the one in Vegas--what happens on the cruise will stay on the cruise, except for what I write here, and of course tell Will (I can't keep anything from him!)
I haven't written much of TSO this week, being so distracted with Will. I think we're making forward progress. Earlier in the week, he wasn't at his desk when I walked by, but he had seen me. I was talking with one of the ladies and a supervisor. He actually was walking over to my cubicle until he saw that a supervisor was talking to me, and we made eye contact. I quickly finished the conversation, which was really about nothing, and went over to talk to him. And I found out that he has a really great sense of humor, much like mine (especially sarcastic). He asked me about my day and if I had slept well. I hadn't and said, 'actually I slept like crap'. Without missing a beat he looked at me and said, 'you look like crap, too'. Of course he said it with a smile on his face. I was stunned, it was the first indication that he had that quick response, and of course I did leave myself open for it. My jaw dropped, and he started to laugh, and said, 'I'm just kidding you look great. I really like that color on you'. (I was wearing a light blue shirt with a small brown paisley print on it) Which of course lead to a conversation about how I never would have expected him to have a sense of humor like that because he's so nice. He said that most people don't expect it from him. Again, every day there is something new to learn. It's such a great feeling. I just hope he doesn't wait too long to make a move.
I think things are getting better with Will. Each day things seem to get more normal. I do like flirting with him, it's fun, and it's such a confidence booster to know that he likes flirting with me as well. Which maybe I should tone down the flirting a little, but I don't know. I'll have to ask him tonight. Anyway, he makes me laugh and I like spending time with him, as a friend. I love that I can talk to him about anything, and not have to worry about his reaction or him judging me.
I haven't written much of TSO this week, being so distracted with Will. I think we're making forward progress. Earlier in the week, he wasn't at his desk when I walked by, but he had seen me. I was talking with one of the ladies and a supervisor. He actually was walking over to my cubicle until he saw that a supervisor was talking to me, and we made eye contact. I quickly finished the conversation, which was really about nothing, and went over to talk to him. And I found out that he has a really great sense of humor, much like mine (especially sarcastic). He asked me about my day and if I had slept well. I hadn't and said, 'actually I slept like crap'. Without missing a beat he looked at me and said, 'you look like crap, too'. Of course he said it with a smile on his face. I was stunned, it was the first indication that he had that quick response, and of course I did leave myself open for it. My jaw dropped, and he started to laugh, and said, 'I'm just kidding you look great. I really like that color on you'. (I was wearing a light blue shirt with a small brown paisley print on it) Which of course lead to a conversation about how I never would have expected him to have a sense of humor like that because he's so nice. He said that most people don't expect it from him. Again, every day there is something new to learn. It's such a great feeling. I just hope he doesn't wait too long to make a move.
I think things are getting better with Will. Each day things seem to get more normal. I do like flirting with him, it's fun, and it's such a confidence booster to know that he likes flirting with me as well. Which maybe I should tone down the flirting a little, but I don't know. I'll have to ask him tonight. Anyway, he makes me laugh and I like spending time with him, as a friend. I love that I can talk to him about anything, and not have to worry about his reaction or him judging me.
19 October 2006
Just Call Me Gracie
First off, I need to say that from now on, BFAW will be known as Will (as in Will and Grace). I guess this weekend was difficult for him as well. He and his wife talked a lot about the situation, and his feelings. She's afraid he's falling in love with me. When I saw Will tonight, he made mention of the fact that he wanted us to be at a point in our friendship where we were like Will and Grace (the TV show). For some reason, it clicked with me. Lead Momma had actually said much of the same thing this weekend, "you should think of him as a gay man, like Will, and you can be Grace." A kind of married man=gay man thing. I guess it makes sense, they are both off limits, just for different reasons. Anyway, for anyone who hasn't seen the show, Will and Grace are the kind of friends that only come around once in a lifetime. They love each other dearly, and would do anything for the other. Yes, they have their ups and downs, but through it all they remain friends. So, he's Will to my Gracie. I told him I was going to call him Will from now on...He wasn't thrilled by that!
For whatever reason, it's somehow put things into perspective for both of us (I think, I can at least speak for myself) He'll always be a friend no matter what, there's no need for anything more. Things seemed different tonight as we were talking. It was relaxed, the way it used to be before all this started. And I sincerely hope that everything will Will's wife will be fine. I hope that she can see that this is different from the bond that they have with each other. I guess it was friends who got a little confused, but are now back on the right track. I don't know if I'm saying this as eloquently as I'm thinking it, it's way past my bedtime...The ladies and I booked our cruise for the end of March. I'm so totally excited about it--it should be such a good time. I am a little worried about traveling with two women I only know from work, though. At least there will be tons to do and see!
Lots to say about TSO, but I'm losing my ability to type...:)
For whatever reason, it's somehow put things into perspective for both of us (I think, I can at least speak for myself) He'll always be a friend no matter what, there's no need for anything more. Things seemed different tonight as we were talking. It was relaxed, the way it used to be before all this started. And I sincerely hope that everything will Will's wife will be fine. I hope that she can see that this is different from the bond that they have with each other. I guess it was friends who got a little confused, but are now back on the right track. I don't know if I'm saying this as eloquently as I'm thinking it, it's way past my bedtime...The ladies and I booked our cruise for the end of March. I'm so totally excited about it--it should be such a good time. I am a little worried about traveling with two women I only know from work, though. At least there will be tons to do and see!
Lots to say about TSO, but I'm losing my ability to type...:)
17 October 2006
The Weekend
I sincerely hope that Little Penguin is right in his comments in the last post. Because things suck right now. I don't like the way things are right now (have I made that clear yet?) And the very selfish part of my mind wants BFAW all to myself, regardless of the consequences. Anyway, hopefully we can get through all of this and get back to the way things were (that's my hope at least, my fear is that nothing will be the same again.) Chatting with Lead Momma yesterday really helped me process situation
This weekend was lovely, I got tons done in my most recent scrapbook--in fact it's almost finished! I'm totally psyched. And I learned a valuable lesson this weekend, my life seems to be full of lessons lately. Anyway, this one is pretty funny. So, apparently, it's a bad idea to put a kitchen towel on an electric burner on the stove that you just turned off. I was fixing breakfast yesterday, and removed the frying pan from the burner, turned it off, and promptly set the towel on that burner, and walked away...(I'm sure you know what happened then) All of a sudden, there was a funny smell in the room, burning cotton. Yep, the kitchen towel now has beautiful black/brown lines on it from the burner. So proud of myself for that one! Oh well, at least I didn't burn the place down.
Work was so boring last night, with no one to talk to. Although it was probably good, because for the most part, I was pretty cranky, and not interested in chatting with anybody. So I just put my headphones on, and tried to focus on my work (not entirely successfully, but there you have it).
Now I need to learn how to use my new camera before my trip. This weekend should be a good opportunity to practice, Preschool Queen and Homer are having their annual Halloween costume party (yes it is early, but everybody has conflicting plans the following weekend). It should be fun, it always is, only down side is that the Ex will be there. Not looking forward to that. I have a really great royal queen costume (kind of Guinevere like), and can't wait to party!
This weekend was lovely, I got tons done in my most recent scrapbook--in fact it's almost finished! I'm totally psyched. And I learned a valuable lesson this weekend, my life seems to be full of lessons lately. Anyway, this one is pretty funny. So, apparently, it's a bad idea to put a kitchen towel on an electric burner on the stove that you just turned off. I was fixing breakfast yesterday, and removed the frying pan from the burner, turned it off, and promptly set the towel on that burner, and walked away...(I'm sure you know what happened then) All of a sudden, there was a funny smell in the room, burning cotton. Yep, the kitchen towel now has beautiful black/brown lines on it from the burner. So proud of myself for that one! Oh well, at least I didn't burn the place down.
Work was so boring last night, with no one to talk to. Although it was probably good, because for the most part, I was pretty cranky, and not interested in chatting with anybody. So I just put my headphones on, and tried to focus on my work (not entirely successfully, but there you have it).
Now I need to learn how to use my new camera before my trip. This weekend should be a good opportunity to practice, Preschool Queen and Homer are having their annual Halloween costume party (yes it is early, but everybody has conflicting plans the following weekend). It should be fun, it always is, only down side is that the Ex will be there. Not looking forward to that. I have a really great royal queen costume (kind of Guinevere like), and can't wait to party!
14 October 2006
A Resolution to the Problem
This morning I think I was minutes and about 1 foot away from becoming 'the other woman'. If I hadn't walked away when I did, I would have lost the rest of my resolve. It took every ounce of my strength not to kiss him, and I know he felt the same way. I totally suck. This is supposed to be one of my rules, no married men.
There's a saying, if you play with fire, you'll eventually get burned. I think I've gotten burned. BFAW's feelings for me are apparently quite strong, and since we've both made it clear that there can be no action on those feelings, he's decided that he needs space to clear his head. So, just like that I've lost one of my best friends. And that's what I'm most upset about. Part of me wonders if the fact that we know we can't act on the feelings we have is making them stronger? Seriously, what happens when you tell a small child not to do something? Of course they try to do it. I can completely understand and respect his decision, but it's still gonna be hard. He's the first person I want to talk to when there is something good or bad going on at work, and now I won't have that anymore. It almost makes me cry. I should have never said anything to him about how I felt. But there you have it, I guess the situation has resolved itself. And I suppose I've learned a valuable lesson as well.
And as upset as that whole situation makes me, this one makes me so happy: I was talking with TSO last night (big surprise, right?) and we were talking about our weekend plans. He was telling me that he needed to go see his parents, and I was lamenting an upcoming weekend trip to see my parents as well. I love them dearly, but they drive me nuts (that's his deal, too). As I was getting ready to walk away, he said that we needed to plan a time to get together sometime soon. So, I guess being patient is the way to go with this guy. BFAW thinks we look really cute when we're together, and thinks that if I take things slow, they will certainly work out. I hope he's right.
On to London, I think on the first day I arrive, I may take one of the bus tours of the city. I'm not sure how else to get my bearings and figure out where everything is. Day Two will certainly be the British Museum. I think I could probably spend the entire 10 days in there, but one day will have to suffice. I want to see a play while in town as well, but I'm not sure what to see. I'll figure it out, I'm sure... I was also thinking about taking a day trip out of the city, maybe to Cambridge, or Stonehenge, I haven't decided which. And of course, I've promised my friends at work (the Ladies) that I would go to Harrods just to experience it. And the Tower of London, Westminster Abbey, and I'd like to see the changing of the guard as well. And that's just the beginning of my list of places to go.
Well, I'm off for a day of scrapbooking, so there'll be more later, I guess.
There's a saying, if you play with fire, you'll eventually get burned. I think I've gotten burned. BFAW's feelings for me are apparently quite strong, and since we've both made it clear that there can be no action on those feelings, he's decided that he needs space to clear his head. So, just like that I've lost one of my best friends. And that's what I'm most upset about. Part of me wonders if the fact that we know we can't act on the feelings we have is making them stronger? Seriously, what happens when you tell a small child not to do something? Of course they try to do it. I can completely understand and respect his decision, but it's still gonna be hard. He's the first person I want to talk to when there is something good or bad going on at work, and now I won't have that anymore. It almost makes me cry. I should have never said anything to him about how I felt. But there you have it, I guess the situation has resolved itself. And I suppose I've learned a valuable lesson as well.
And as upset as that whole situation makes me, this one makes me so happy: I was talking with TSO last night (big surprise, right?) and we were talking about our weekend plans. He was telling me that he needed to go see his parents, and I was lamenting an upcoming weekend trip to see my parents as well. I love them dearly, but they drive me nuts (that's his deal, too). As I was getting ready to walk away, he said that we needed to plan a time to get together sometime soon. So, I guess being patient is the way to go with this guy. BFAW thinks we look really cute when we're together, and thinks that if I take things slow, they will certainly work out. I hope he's right.
On to London, I think on the first day I arrive, I may take one of the bus tours of the city. I'm not sure how else to get my bearings and figure out where everything is. Day Two will certainly be the British Museum. I think I could probably spend the entire 10 days in there, but one day will have to suffice. I want to see a play while in town as well, but I'm not sure what to see. I'll figure it out, I'm sure... I was also thinking about taking a day trip out of the city, maybe to Cambridge, or Stonehenge, I haven't decided which. And of course, I've promised my friends at work (the Ladies) that I would go to Harrods just to experience it. And the Tower of London, Westminster Abbey, and I'd like to see the changing of the guard as well. And that's just the beginning of my list of places to go.
Well, I'm off for a day of scrapbooking, so there'll be more later, I guess.
13 October 2006
Moving On
I told BFAW that he could read this. Not sure if that's insane or not, but it's been done. I've also realized that I need to put thoughts of him out of my head. He can never be anything more than a friend. So, there's my decision, no more feelings about him. I'm done. Little Penguin is right (see comments from previous post) I would be crushed if Preschool Queen and TSO ever met and were flirting.
TSO and I were chatting last night. He was wearing this really great orange dress shirt (it's my favorite color). Earlier in the week we had been talking about men's dress clothes, and I had mentioned that I thought he looked really nice when he wore his orange shirt. Last night he told me that he was thinking about that when he got dressed. It was basically an "I wore it because you mentioned you like it" thing. How cool? I so wish I knew what he was thinking, or if he is interested...
Anyway, onto other details in my life now: it's been cold here. I'm not ready to have to scrape the ice off my windshield every morning when leaving work. I think it's to early for that nonsense, I guess Mother Nature doesn't agree with me... (I guess I should be happy I don't live in Buffalo, NY their storm totals should be around 12-18 inches of snow before it's over later today) The ladies (two women I work with) and I are booking our cruise next Thursday. We're planning on going sometime in March. I think we've decided that we'll go to Freeport, Grand Cayman and Costa Maya, Mexico. It should be a lot of fun. There's been rumor of driving dune buggies--I think that could be dangerous...
I had dinner last night with Preschool Queen and Captain Contrary again. This time Preschool Queen cooked. We had a lot of fun, and I think I've finally convinced her to go away for a long weekend without Homer or Captain Contrary. I had no idea that she had never been to New York City, so we were talking about going down there for a long weekend next summer, taking in a show and eating all sorts of great food, and shopping, shopping shopping. So, now I just have to get her to follow through with it. I told her since it would be summer, her father could watch Captain Contrary (and spoil him rotten) and Homer could have 4 or 5 quiet days at home alone (which I don't think he's had in the last 7 years!) So, hopefully...
TSO and I were chatting last night. He was wearing this really great orange dress shirt (it's my favorite color). Earlier in the week we had been talking about men's dress clothes, and I had mentioned that I thought he looked really nice when he wore his orange shirt. Last night he told me that he was thinking about that when he got dressed. It was basically an "I wore it because you mentioned you like it" thing. How cool? I so wish I knew what he was thinking, or if he is interested...
Anyway, onto other details in my life now: it's been cold here. I'm not ready to have to scrape the ice off my windshield every morning when leaving work. I think it's to early for that nonsense, I guess Mother Nature doesn't agree with me... (I guess I should be happy I don't live in Buffalo, NY their storm totals should be around 12-18 inches of snow before it's over later today) The ladies (two women I work with) and I are booking our cruise next Thursday. We're planning on going sometime in March. I think we've decided that we'll go to Freeport, Grand Cayman and Costa Maya, Mexico. It should be a lot of fun. There's been rumor of driving dune buggies--I think that could be dangerous...
I had dinner last night with Preschool Queen and Captain Contrary again. This time Preschool Queen cooked. We had a lot of fun, and I think I've finally convinced her to go away for a long weekend without Homer or Captain Contrary. I had no idea that she had never been to New York City, so we were talking about going down there for a long weekend next summer, taking in a show and eating all sorts of great food, and shopping, shopping shopping. So, now I just have to get her to follow through with it. I told her since it would be summer, her father could watch Captain Contrary (and spoil him rotten) and Homer could have 4 or 5 quiet days at home alone (which I don't think he's had in the last 7 years!) So, hopefully...
12 October 2006
All Kinds of Confusion
So, BFAW wants to read the blog. I guess I have mixed feelings about that. There's nothing here that I haven't already told him, but would that be adding fuel to the fire, so to speak? What do people think? Should I let him read it?
Nothing will ever come of it, but I can so see myself falling for him. He did however bring up a good point last night. He said that we were such good friends that even if we were both single, he'd be worried about messing up the friendship (there is something to be said about not dating your friends...) When he's not around, I think I have everything figured out. I can even convince myself that there are no feelings for him, and that we're just friends, but then I see him, and we start talking, and flirting, and I'm right back where I started, completely confused about the situation. These feelings are wrong. I shouldn't have feelings for a married man. But I do. Thank goodness we never see each other unless we're in public places (work, restaurants). I don't know what would happen otherwise.
I got to baby sit Captain Contrary last night. Preschool Queen had an issue with the electric company, and Homer is out of town, so she was banging on my door last night, and all in a panic. Once she got in touch with the electric company, I told her to leave Captain Contrary with me, that he could watch a movie, and I'd make him dinner while she waited for them to arrive. Each time he and I hang out, I'm again reminded what a great kid he is. I can't believe how quickly he's growing up.
Anyway, we had fun last night, and then I had to rush off to work. Sometimes it seems like I'm always rushing off one place or another. Earlier in the day I had a lot more I wanted to say about BFAW, but right now, for the life of me, I can't remember any of it, so I'll sign off now....
Nothing will ever come of it, but I can so see myself falling for him. He did however bring up a good point last night. He said that we were such good friends that even if we were both single, he'd be worried about messing up the friendship (there is something to be said about not dating your friends...) When he's not around, I think I have everything figured out. I can even convince myself that there are no feelings for him, and that we're just friends, but then I see him, and we start talking, and flirting, and I'm right back where I started, completely confused about the situation. These feelings are wrong. I shouldn't have feelings for a married man. But I do. Thank goodness we never see each other unless we're in public places (work, restaurants). I don't know what would happen otherwise.
I got to baby sit Captain Contrary last night. Preschool Queen had an issue with the electric company, and Homer is out of town, so she was banging on my door last night, and all in a panic. Once she got in touch with the electric company, I told her to leave Captain Contrary with me, that he could watch a movie, and I'd make him dinner while she waited for them to arrive. Each time he and I hang out, I'm again reminded what a great kid he is. I can't believe how quickly he's growing up.
Anyway, we had fun last night, and then I had to rush off to work. Sometimes it seems like I'm always rushing off one place or another. Earlier in the day I had a lot more I wanted to say about BFAW, but right now, for the life of me, I can't remember any of it, so I'll sign off now....
10 October 2006
The Names
Wow, two posts in one day! How incredible!
I can't believe I forgot to explain some of the aliases that I've created, or borrowed.
Anyway, Preschool Queen is called such because she's the greatest preschool teacher I've ever seen. She teaches 3 year olds and I'm just in awe of the patience she has with kids (and adults for that matter). Her husband, I'll call him Homer. If you've seen the Simpsons, I've said enough. He's the greatest! Their son is Captain Contrary. And unfortunately, I can't take credit for that name. Preschool Queen came up with it, it's his superhero name, and his super power is to contradict everything. I swear some day this kid is going to be a trial attorney. He LOVES to argue, but he's the greatest kid ever!
I already explained Lead Mama, and her son is Lead Baby. He rocks, and I really wish I wasn't so far away, so I could see him grow up in person instead of via photos on the net. Lead Mama's husband is Dr Spaz (she came up with that, not me...)
There are other friends around, when they come into the story, I'll create names for them. And I promise I'll do a better job explaining at the time. More adventures later, I need to get ready to leave for work!
I can't believe I forgot to explain some of the aliases that I've created, or borrowed.
Anyway, Preschool Queen is called such because she's the greatest preschool teacher I've ever seen. She teaches 3 year olds and I'm just in awe of the patience she has with kids (and adults for that matter). Her husband, I'll call him Homer. If you've seen the Simpsons, I've said enough. He's the greatest! Their son is Captain Contrary. And unfortunately, I can't take credit for that name. Preschool Queen came up with it, it's his superhero name, and his super power is to contradict everything. I swear some day this kid is going to be a trial attorney. He LOVES to argue, but he's the greatest kid ever!
I already explained Lead Mama, and her son is Lead Baby. He rocks, and I really wish I wasn't so far away, so I could see him grow up in person instead of via photos on the net. Lead Mama's husband is Dr Spaz (she came up with that, not me...)
There are other friends around, when they come into the story, I'll create names for them. And I promise I'll do a better job explaining at the time. More adventures later, I need to get ready to leave for work!
The Little Things
So, sometimes it's the little things in my world that make me happy. I'm not the most technologically savvy girl, but I do my best. (Which usually involves calling someone else to help). I got my modem for Vonage yesterday, and thought I would try to do this one by myself...And...TOTAL SUCCESS!!! Now, I know it's not a big deal to most, but I made it work! (I become more self sufficient and independent daily) So, now there is a local phone number, and my friends here can get off my back! Whoever said you can survive with just a cell phone obviously doesn't have my friends.
Speaking of friends, my best friend, (we'll call her Lead Mama) called me on Saturday evening. I think it was only around 7:30 or so, but I had been sound asleep for over an hour. Yes, I was asleep by 6:30 on a Saturday night. That's what happens when you work on Friday night, and then stay up all day on Saturday to enjoy the beautiful fall weather. So, she called, and we chatted for 20 minutes or so. The thing is, I don't remember much at all other than the fact that I told her I would call her the next day. I woke up on Sunday thinking that the phone call had been a dream, but called her in the afternoon anyway, just to see. She about died laughing. She really has the greatest, most contagious laugh, too. It makes me smile just thinking about it. She also loved the name I created for her. When she was pregnant, she referred to her son as Lead Baby, so the name just seemed to click for me.
And I chatted with TSO last night before my shift started. I was wearing one of the new necklaces that I bought on Sunday. It's pretty cool, I think it's one of my faves, it's brown and turquoise, my new favorite color combo. Anyway, he noticed it right away and commented on how pretty it was and how great it looked on me. I was shocked that he noticed, specifically that he noticed that it was new. He really makes me smile.
Yesterday, I went to Preschool Queen's house to do laundry (no washer/dryer here...) and she and Captain Contrary (her son) were home because of the holiday. Captain Contrary came into the kitchen with his small stuffed cat. Last year when he was in Kindergarten, the classroom teacher had a stuffed animal that would go home with one student per week. On the following Monday, that student would share the adventures that they had with the cat. Captain Contrary loved it so much that Preschool Queen got the same stuffed cat for him, and they had adventures all summer. Now that they are back in school, the cat's adventures have been limited to the basement, or the back yard. So when he brought the cat into the kitchen he was complaining that the cat hadn't been on any fun adventures lately. I asked him if he wanted me to take the cat with me to London, and have adventures there. He was so excited, and couldn't believe that I would actually do that for him, so I told him to give me the cat just before I leave, and that I would take pictures of the cat having adventures around London. I think I'll make a scrapbook out of the pictures and the journaling for him.
Enough rambling of random things...
Speaking of friends, my best friend, (we'll call her Lead Mama) called me on Saturday evening. I think it was only around 7:30 or so, but I had been sound asleep for over an hour. Yes, I was asleep by 6:30 on a Saturday night. That's what happens when you work on Friday night, and then stay up all day on Saturday to enjoy the beautiful fall weather. So, she called, and we chatted for 20 minutes or so. The thing is, I don't remember much at all other than the fact that I told her I would call her the next day. I woke up on Sunday thinking that the phone call had been a dream, but called her in the afternoon anyway, just to see. She about died laughing. She really has the greatest, most contagious laugh, too. It makes me smile just thinking about it. She also loved the name I created for her. When she was pregnant, she referred to her son as Lead Baby, so the name just seemed to click for me.
And I chatted with TSO last night before my shift started. I was wearing one of the new necklaces that I bought on Sunday. It's pretty cool, I think it's one of my faves, it's brown and turquoise, my new favorite color combo. Anyway, he noticed it right away and commented on how pretty it was and how great it looked on me. I was shocked that he noticed, specifically that he noticed that it was new. He really makes me smile.
Yesterday, I went to Preschool Queen's house to do laundry (no washer/dryer here...) and she and Captain Contrary (her son) were home because of the holiday. Captain Contrary came into the kitchen with his small stuffed cat. Last year when he was in Kindergarten, the classroom teacher had a stuffed animal that would go home with one student per week. On the following Monday, that student would share the adventures that they had with the cat. Captain Contrary loved it so much that Preschool Queen got the same stuffed cat for him, and they had adventures all summer. Now that they are back in school, the cat's adventures have been limited to the basement, or the back yard. So when he brought the cat into the kitchen he was complaining that the cat hadn't been on any fun adventures lately. I asked him if he wanted me to take the cat with me to London, and have adventures there. He was so excited, and couldn't believe that I would actually do that for him, so I told him to give me the cat just before I leave, and that I would take pictures of the cat having adventures around London. I think I'll make a scrapbook out of the pictures and the journaling for him.
Enough rambling of random things...
08 October 2006
Autumn in New England
Autumn has come to northern New England. We've had 3 killing frosts in a row this week (it's been below 32 F). I love this time of year, there is no place I've been that looks quite like this. It even has a smell all of its own that I can't explain. The mountains look like they are on fire with the leaves changing color. This summer was quite rainy, which has lead to even more beautiful colors. I took a ride this morning over one of the nearby mountains, and was just stunned by the colors--peak season has already occurred there, not quite that time yet here where I live. It's a gorgeous sunny day here, and I'm so glad I was able to get out and enjoy it instead of having to go to bed. (working nights has it's downside) And it almost didn't look real, the colors were so vibrant. And I realize that it's a scientific reaction to the weather that causes it, but to me, it's how I know that there is a higher power out there, regardless of what your faith is. To me, nature is my evidence of God. (I think I'm doing a poor job of explaining this, and I know I'm not doing justice to the foliage either) This time of year here is something that everyone should experience at least once in their lives.
It also makes me a little sad. The ex and I used to love this time of year more than any other, and we always used to go for long drives to different parts of the state to see the colors change. It's funny how little things remind me of him at random times.
My favorite line of jewelry is usually way too expensive for me to afford, but twice a year they have a factory clearance sale, Memorial Day and Columbus Day weekends, so my dear friend, Preschool Queen, and I got in the car and went to shop!!! This year I got more earrings than I have in the past, because I don't wear them nearly enough. And more blue than normal as well. Anyway, it's always fun when Preschool Queen and I get together.
This afternoon I think I'm going to start planning my itinerary for London (yes I like to have things planned out). Does anyone have any suggestions/ideas of what to see and what to skip? I can't believe the trip is less than 2 months away! A lot of people have asked why I didn't go this summer. There were a variety of reasons: I didn't have enough leave accumulated at work; the cost; I hadn't really had the idea yet; and most of all I wanted to go as a birthday present for myself, so I'm going after my 29th...
It also makes me a little sad. The ex and I used to love this time of year more than any other, and we always used to go for long drives to different parts of the state to see the colors change. It's funny how little things remind me of him at random times.
My favorite line of jewelry is usually way too expensive for me to afford, but twice a year they have a factory clearance sale, Memorial Day and Columbus Day weekends, so my dear friend, Preschool Queen, and I got in the car and went to shop!!! This year I got more earrings than I have in the past, because I don't wear them nearly enough. And more blue than normal as well. Anyway, it's always fun when Preschool Queen and I get together.
This afternoon I think I'm going to start planning my itinerary for London (yes I like to have things planned out). Does anyone have any suggestions/ideas of what to see and what to skip? I can't believe the trip is less than 2 months away! A lot of people have asked why I didn't go this summer. There were a variety of reasons: I didn't have enough leave accumulated at work; the cost; I hadn't really had the idea yet; and most of all I wanted to go as a birthday present for myself, so I'm going after my 29th...
07 October 2006
The Saga Continues
I had breakfast with BFAW this morning after work. We had a lot to talk about and both knew that we couldn't talk about it at work. Our 15 minute break that we take for a walk is not nearly long enough to have any sort of serious discussion.
We both said that even though there are feelings there, nothing can happen because he's married.
And get this, he told his wife! He told her that he had feelings for me. I can't believe that he would tell her about this. I was really stunned when he made that announcement. She must be the most understanding woman on the planet. According to him, she was only a little jealous. And I guess what bugged her most is that he and I are such good friends and he feels this way about me. She believes that's how you fall in love, which I guess is true. I just hope that whatever problems the two of them are having, they can work through. So, I get to keep my friend, although now I never want to meet her. I don't think I could, how could she not hate me? And why would she ever want to meet me?
Enough of that, the feelings that I have will pass, I have no doubt. And in a strange way, it's such an ego boost to know he feels that way.
So, it's the weekend, finally. Not that I worked as much as usual this week. I just had no desire to work any overtime. I guess next week it'll be time to get back into the habit of longer days. I think that this weekend I'll start planning what I want to do in London. I don't want to get there and waste time trying to decide what to do each day, and I want to plan which days I'll leave the city and take day trips. I still can't believe that I'm actually going. And sometimes I get pretty scared about it. Sometimes I wonder what I can possibly be thinking, a foreign country, alone??? Have I lost my mind? I just know that I have to do this on my own. I need to prove that I can be independent, to myself if no one else.
We both said that even though there are feelings there, nothing can happen because he's married.
And get this, he told his wife! He told her that he had feelings for me. I can't believe that he would tell her about this. I was really stunned when he made that announcement. She must be the most understanding woman on the planet. According to him, she was only a little jealous. And I guess what bugged her most is that he and I are such good friends and he feels this way about me. She believes that's how you fall in love, which I guess is true. I just hope that whatever problems the two of them are having, they can work through. So, I get to keep my friend, although now I never want to meet her. I don't think I could, how could she not hate me? And why would she ever want to meet me?
Enough of that, the feelings that I have will pass, I have no doubt. And in a strange way, it's such an ego boost to know he feels that way.
So, it's the weekend, finally. Not that I worked as much as usual this week. I just had no desire to work any overtime. I guess next week it'll be time to get back into the habit of longer days. I think that this weekend I'll start planning what I want to do in London. I don't want to get there and waste time trying to decide what to do each day, and I want to plan which days I'll leave the city and take day trips. I still can't believe that I'm actually going. And sometimes I get pretty scared about it. Sometimes I wonder what I can possibly be thinking, a foreign country, alone??? Have I lost my mind? I just know that I have to do this on my own. I need to prove that I can be independent, to myself if no one else.
06 October 2006
The Phone Company
The phone company is the bane of my existance. I've been in the new place for about 1 1/2 months now, and have been using my cell phone as my primary way of contact. I decided that I wanted a home phone, and called the phone company last week and wanted to get service set up. They told me that the soonest they could come out would be Wednesday 4 October. By Wednesday evening they still had not arrived. So, I called the customer service and asked what was going on. The person told me that the tech had gotten busy and so couldn't come, but that he would deffinately be here on Thursday. Thursday evening, no dial tone again. So I called them again. They had no answer for why no one had done the install again. The person I was talking to actually admitted to me that this was crappy customer service. So I cancelled the order, and called Vonage. I should have my modem in a few days, and will be saving a ton of money. All's well that ends well, I suppose. (Although maybe I should wait until I get the modem and set it up) Enough complaining for now...
TSO and I have started emailing each other at work. He's such a sweet guy. I so sincerely want things to work out. As far as the BFAW (best friend at work), I've never been so confused about anything before in my life, and I realize that there should be no confusion, he's married. It should end right there. Nothing further, he's off limits. And at times I feel like I've convinced myself of that, and then we start flirting, and my emotions kick in, and I get confused because I sometimes think I'd like more than a friendship with him. And then other times I don't. And it's not this wild physical attraction, but more of how I feel when I'm with him.
Everything would be so much easier if TSO would just get over it and ask me out. At least there has been more communication between us than before. He's so darn handsome. Okay enough gushing.
TSO and I have started emailing each other at work. He's such a sweet guy. I so sincerely want things to work out. As far as the BFAW (best friend at work), I've never been so confused about anything before in my life, and I realize that there should be no confusion, he's married. It should end right there. Nothing further, he's off limits. And at times I feel like I've convinced myself of that, and then we start flirting, and my emotions kick in, and I get confused because I sometimes think I'd like more than a friendship with him. And then other times I don't. And it's not this wild physical attraction, but more of how I feel when I'm with him.
Everything would be so much easier if TSO would just get over it and ask me out. At least there has been more communication between us than before. He's so darn handsome. Okay enough gushing.
05 October 2006
my crazy life at work
Today's post has nothing to do with travel, it's just what has been going on in my life. As I mentioned, I am recently single. I'm not loving it, but I'm certainly not hating it either. I'm beginning to realize that there are other fish in the sea, and I don't need to be taken for granted. There is a guy at work, I'll call him the shy one (tso) that I'm starting to like. We work on different shifts, so I only see him for a few minutes each day. Every time I see him, he gets a great big smile on his face, and we chat for a little while. And unless I need some remedial training on reading signals, this guy is interested in me. (Remember, he's really shy) So a few weeks ago I asked him to have coffee with me. He immediately accepted the invite, only to cancel later, or rather ask for a rain check. I'm beginning to think that I stole his thunder by asking him out first. We still flirt, and he went out of his way to make sure I knew that he had my phone number saved on his phone. So, I've been just going with the flow. We continue to get to know each other a little better each day. I've forgotten how much fun it is to get to know a new person. He makes me smile, and I make him laugh. I wait and I hope...
There is another guy at work, who I have no interest in, who has asked me out. At first I said yes, since he caught me off guard with the question. I had a day to think about it, and first, I don't want to mess up anything with TSO, and I just don't know if I'm ready for this. And I'm really not interested in this guy. Friends have said that I should have some practice dates since it's been so long; but I figure I should at least have some interest. So I told him today that I just couldn't.
Now for the complicated part of my work life...My best friend at work is a wonderful guy. He's funny, intelligent, thoughtful, and always has a great wisecrack. We flirt a lot. In the past 5 months or so, we've gotten much closer than we had been. We were hired at the same time, about 4 years ago, and were always friends, but lately something is different. Both of us have acknowledged it, but we can't figure out what has changed. I can tell him anything, and he feels the same way. For so long, I never thought of him that way, he was always just my friend. He apparently has feelings for me, but never thought that I would. Sounds great, right? Here's the rub, he' s married, with 2 kids. I know that this is insane. I need to get over how I feel, and enjoy our friendship, which I don't want to lose. Work would be miserable without his friendship. This is so confusing. It's flattering that he likes me (it's nice to be reminded that you are attractive to the opposite sex) but WRONG WRONG WRONG...
In unrelated work news, the fiscal year ended on Saturday night, and with it our rating period. I had my performance review with my supervisor last night. I was floored with how good it was. Outstanding right across the board on all five criteria. I just had to give myself a little pat on the back for that one!
There is another guy at work, who I have no interest in, who has asked me out. At first I said yes, since he caught me off guard with the question. I had a day to think about it, and first, I don't want to mess up anything with TSO, and I just don't know if I'm ready for this. And I'm really not interested in this guy. Friends have said that I should have some practice dates since it's been so long; but I figure I should at least have some interest. So I told him today that I just couldn't.
Now for the complicated part of my work life...My best friend at work is a wonderful guy. He's funny, intelligent, thoughtful, and always has a great wisecrack. We flirt a lot. In the past 5 months or so, we've gotten much closer than we had been. We were hired at the same time, about 4 years ago, and were always friends, but lately something is different. Both of us have acknowledged it, but we can't figure out what has changed. I can tell him anything, and he feels the same way. For so long, I never thought of him that way, he was always just my friend. He apparently has feelings for me, but never thought that I would. Sounds great, right? Here's the rub, he' s married, with 2 kids. I know that this is insane. I need to get over how I feel, and enjoy our friendship, which I don't want to lose. Work would be miserable without his friendship. This is so confusing. It's flattering that he likes me (it's nice to be reminded that you are attractive to the opposite sex) but WRONG WRONG WRONG...
In unrelated work news, the fiscal year ended on Saturday night, and with it our rating period. I had my performance review with my supervisor last night. I was floored with how good it was. Outstanding right across the board on all five criteria. I just had to give myself a little pat on the back for that one!
04 October 2006
An Introduction
This is my first attempt at blogging, not sure how it will go, but everything's an adventure, right? I've recently found myself single after being in a relationship for over 6 years. There was really no bad guy, I just grew tired of waiting for the next step to happen; and needed to do what was best for me.
After moving into a new apartment I decided that I needed to do something to prove I could be independent again. (As if moving to an new town wasn't enough) I have chosen to do some travelling this winter. I'm headed to London for a 10 day vacation on my own. I've never been overseas, and thought it would be a grand adventure. After I decided to go, and started to tell people about it, I've gotten the same reaction over and over. Everyone looks at me and says "who are you going with?" When I say, "No one." The next question is always, "Do you know anyone there?" Again, I say no and everyone has said "Wow, that's really brave."
When I planned this trip, I didn't think of it as something brave, but now I'm starting to wonder; am I crazy to go to a foreign city alone?
I'm so excited about this, there are so many places I want to go and things I want to see; and everyone has advice. I just hope that the trip lives up to my expectations.
After moving into a new apartment I decided that I needed to do something to prove I could be independent again. (As if moving to an new town wasn't enough) I have chosen to do some travelling this winter. I'm headed to London for a 10 day vacation on my own. I've never been overseas, and thought it would be a grand adventure. After I decided to go, and started to tell people about it, I've gotten the same reaction over and over. Everyone looks at me and says "who are you going with?" When I say, "No one." The next question is always, "Do you know anyone there?" Again, I say no and everyone has said "Wow, that's really brave."
When I planned this trip, I didn't think of it as something brave, but now I'm starting to wonder; am I crazy to go to a foreign city alone?
I'm so excited about this, there are so many places I want to go and things I want to see; and everyone has advice. I just hope that the trip lives up to my expectations.
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