The Schedule has been Posted!!!

So, work has posted the schedules and when we are picking our slots. Finally!!! And the best part of the news is that the group I am in doesn't begin picking until April 1st. I'll be home from vacation then, and so don't have to hand in 72 choices. I'm so very relieved. And I also don't have to give any of it another thought until I get home from the trip. Preschool Queen is right. Things always happen for a reason. So, Carnival, here I come, looking forward to an amazing and very relaxing vacation. Now all I have to survive is another two nights of listening to how a rogue wave is going to knock my boat all around. Now I just need to finish packing all of my things!
Now with the work headache out of the way, I can confess to the other crap that has been going on. I have a friendship that I've been doing a really good job of messing up. I have so many emotions and feelings for this person that sometimes get in the way of just being friends. This doesn't happen all the time, but on occasion, I seem to do a pretty good job of trying to push this person away. I'm so tired of feeling the way that I do. I want to be able to turn off the feelings that I have, and I just can't. I want them to go away, because I know the friendship is what is most important. But I just can't seem to move on. And I'm really afraid that if I can't get over all of this an move on, that this person is going to get tired of me being retarded and walk away. Some days are fine and then there are other days, like today, when I'm just completely retarded. And I stand there and think, "you're going to lose him as a friend if you don't shut up..." and the stupidity still just pours out of my mouth. Thank goodness he's patient and kind and willing to put up with my retarded-ness.