Things have just gotten to be too much. And I can't feel like this much longer. I seriously feel like I'm truly losing my mind. My emotions have been completely out of control. I'm regularly on the verge of tears and I'm snapping at people when they don't deserve it. And I'm not usually the type to cry; but right now if someone looks at me funny, I want to cry. The emotions are so raw that I can hardly stand it. And I can't control it, it's beyond me, and it's driving me nuts. When I was at the doctor yesterday I asked her about this, and she said that it was related to the hormones that are readjusting themselves in my system. And she couldn't give me a timeline for it, it's different for everyone.
There's just too much on my plate right now; and I'm really frustrated with the fact that I can't seem to make this better by myself. I've been unable to "pick myself up by my bootstraps". And I hate that. All I've been doing lately is sleeping; I haven't done any of the things that I enjoy, I haven't been scrapbooking, cooking, or baking. I also haven't even touched my Arabic language program. It's all I can do to get out of bed and get myself to work on a daily basis.
And I think the worst part of all of this is that just 12 weeks ago I was on top of the world. I was home from the most amazing vacation of my life, and things were great. I mean really great. And now, I really don' t think they can get much worse, because if they do, I think I'll truly lose my mind.
My doctor said that this is called situational depression and can be treated with therapy and some medication. More medicine sucks, but I really can't feel like this any longer. I just can't. She also told me that doing so well so recently has made this even harder, because I've fallen so much further. However, the good news she gave me is that this is not something that will last forever, and that with a little help I should be able to get back to the place I was when I got home from London. (the scary part, is that I can't even remember who that girl was...)
With all of this, my migraines have come back, but she was able to give me an OTC that should do the trick. Recent studies have shown that really high doses of vitamin B2 work to prevent migraines, so I'm taking 400mg a day. And I have to say the coolest thing, is that there are no side effects to this. (all the other meds, that's a different story)
3 comments:
LBTG --- big hugs to you -- I've been thinking of you - and now I know why! Get the help, in all the forms it's offered & I know you'll begin to see things and feel things differently. Please let me know how I/we can help you.
We'll be home on Saturday (instead of tomorrow) b/c of more fun w/weather. Victor is sick - we got to visit Children's Hospital. I'll check in w/you!
Oh dear,
I was offline for quite a while but you and your trip were always in my thoughts. I'm glad to read it was an obviously joyful trip, but your current situation makes me worry.
I know this sort of depression only too well. Don't mind about what people around you might think, you're not alone. Many people experience a depression like that, unfortunately too few talk about it. And your doctor is right: a joyful experience can make your actual suffering even harder.
One thing jumped to my mind: your blog is called 'london bound travel girl'. Now that you've been to London, how about changing the title into: 'lucky future bound travel girl'?
You deserve a joyful future!
Take good care and don't hesitate to ask for help. We're all human beings and that means that we are not perfect, not at all. That's what makes us human, right?
Virtual hugs,
Katrin
Dear TG,
Its true I was isolated from the outside world but you were on my prayer list evey day and still...
I'm not loosing hope, you will be good but you need some patience dear.
I wish I was there to offer help. When I read your lines I feel restricted and useless.
Please keep your faith in God, and you will notice the difference.
:)
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