Diagnosis and the renewing vows

This has really been quite the week. I haven't been feeling very well; and decided it was time to actually listen to my body and go see a doctor. I have to say, I am thrilled with my new doctor. She took me seriously, and listened to my concerns and was able to name what is wrong. I guess there is a certain sense of relief knowing that there is a name for this. Somehow things are a little less scary when they can be named. When I described my symptoms, she was very quickly able to diagnose it as Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). The name is kind of misleading because really the issue is with my endocrine system. It's a hormone imbalance which leads to problems with the ovaries releasing eggs.
Many women who have this condition (which is actually quite a lot, some numbers suggest as many as 1 in 10) have a very hard time conceiving because of the lack of ovulation. The other problem comes in that once conception occurs, women with PCOS frequently miscarry. The good news is I'm not in a place in my life for having children yet; and at least I already know that this will be an issue when I am, and I can plan accordingly. Whether it be working very closely with a doctor, or choosing another option, such as surrogacy or adoption. I know myself well enough to know that I couldn't handle having more than one miscarriage. It would destroy me to repeatedly go through that, and I don't really see the point when there are so many other viable options out there. There are so many children in the world who need a mommy and daddy to love them already. Now, I know that there are some women who HAVE to have their own baby. I really don't think I'm one of those women. Family is not just about blood relations to me. Family are the people you choose to have in your life. Preschool Queen is not my biological sister, but she IS my sister, just as Lead Momma is. And Captain Contrary may not really be my nephew (again biologically) but I'd argue with anyone who said he wasn't my nephew. I have claimed him as mine, and that's just how it is. And he feels the same way, he'll tell anyone who asks that I'm his Aunt, even though he knows I'm not a blood relative. Preschool Queen thinks that having this larger view of what "family" is will make it easier for me to adopt if that's the choice I make.
All that being said, am I scared? Of course. Am I sad? Sure. Am I a little angry? Not yet, but I'm sure I'll get there shortly. However, I'm not dying and this can be as big or small an issue as I make it. It is a part of me, I'll own it as such; but it won't destroy me or rule my life.
Preschool Queen and I went to New Hampshire yesterday to meet my parents. So I talked to Mom about all of this for a little bit. Usually PCOS is hereditary. It doesn't seem to be the case here. Anyway on our way down, about 10 minutes before we met Mom and Dad, Preschool Queen started talking about the fact that she and Homer were going to renew their vows for their 10 anniversary (which is in May). She told me that the Ex would be there. I told her I expected as much, since he is one of Homer's best friends. And then she dropped the bomb on me. She told me that he has a new girlfriend. I was speechless. I always had hoped that I would be the one to move on first. And the grown up side of me is glad that he's found someone and is happy (she said he really did seem happy) after all I am the one that ultimately ended the relationship, but there's the other side of me that feels like a real loser for being single still; and not having anyone else. Of course I'll be at the vow renewal ceremony and party, but it'll really suck to be there and be single (I think I'm the only single friend that they have.)
And then I get over myself and realize how much I really do have going for me. I am a very successful woman, I have the resources to travel when I want to, I have amazing friends, and I'm pretty happy with my life right now. I'm starting to seriously think about grad school; and other career options, and really, what's the worst that will happen, I'll be alone at this ceremony and party. Big deal, I'm pretty sure that won't kill me. And besides if the new medications work the way they are supposed to, I will have lost weight by then. Preschool Queen says the best thing in the world is to be living well (looking great doesn't hurt either...)