Another week is almost over, and it's now 5 weeks before I leave for London. In the latest news there, I think I'll take a day trip to Stonehenge. I think it's one of those must see things. There is a woman I work with, one of the ladies, who is a total overplanner when it comes to vacations. She usually has at least 10 lists, and has packed and re-packed at least 3 times by now. And she's totally freaking out because I haven't even started thinking about what to bring with me yet. I figure I have a pretty good idea of what I want to bring, and the lists and all that can come when there's a week left, not more than a month. Anyway, it's been a running joke at work. I keep teasing her asking if she's started packing for our cruise yet.
As I've been dealing with the fall out of my break up, I've realized that I'm really hurt about one thing in particular. When I told the ex that I was done waiting for him, he swore up and down that he wanted me back and that he would do whatever I needed. The last time I saw him, I told him exactly what that was, I told him that I needed to feel appreciated. I said, bring me flowers once in a while, take me to dinner someplace nice, make me feel like I rock your world. And he told me he would, he promised me he would, just like he had talked about getting married for years... I haven't heard from him since the middle of last month. I guess it's a real example of actions speaking louder than words. Will keeps telling me that I'm better off without him, and happier, and nicer; but this makes me feel unwanted and rejected. I mean if he didn't want any of this, why waste the last 6 years? Why didn't he cut ties much sooner? Why did he wait for me to get fed up? I guess this is just all part of the process of moving on, right? It just makes me so angry that I don't seem to matter, but of course, I guess that was the problem all along.
I wish I could just turn off my feelings about Will the way he did with his feelings about me. I can't change gears that fast, but it's slowly starting to go away. It was so nice to talk to TSO last night. Talking to him, or even now, thinking about it, makes me smile. When we're talking he's so focused on me and our conversation. It almost seems like no one else is around, even when there are tons of people are milling around. Okay, so I'm getting gushy, but that's how I feel. Unfortunately, our conversation was interrupted by another person from 2nd shift. We both ignored the other person for a while, but then I gave up and walked away. Another of my friends thinks I should quit wasting my time on TSO, but I don't see it as wasting time yet. Will (and Preschool Queen) both say that if it's going to happen it will, so I guess I'm taking their advice and ignoring this other friend who sometimes gets overly preachy.
UPDATE: So, after reading this post, Lead Momma called me this morning, and the first words out of her mouth were, "I'm not the preachy one, am I?". I burst out laughing, while at the same time I felt awful. For anyone else out there who thought it may have been her, it was NOT. She has been the most supportive, non-judgmental friend anyone could ask for. We had a laugh over it, and chalked it up to good old-fashioned Catholic guilt. Anyway, just had to add that update, more tomorrow...
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