Every now and again, I find myself at a loss, and begin to think that the grass may be greener elsewhere. Primarily, this usually comes in the form of wanting to move back to North Carolina. I miss being there desperately, but my job, my friends, my life is here. As of late, it has been in the form of my job. I'm not overly challenged anymore...don't get me wrong, I like what I do, but I can exceed even the new standards. And sometimes I want to go back to teaching...Lately I've thought about teaching English overseas. I've even gone so far as to look into getting certified in TESOL/TESL. And then other days I'm ready to go back to school and get my master's in something that will help me in my job, or help me to get a better job. I've thought about a degree in Diplomacy or International Relations. Am I the only one who feels this way? Things are good here, don't get me wrong, but would things be any better anywhere else? And part of me feels like moving would be running away from what I don't like about my life here. Which wouldn't solve anything.
I wish there was a crystal ball I could look into and see if I am on the right path, see how things are going to work out. Some people like the mystery that life has to offer, me not so much. I want to know if I'll ever get married, or have children, will my father ever get to hold his first grandchild? Will he walk me down the aisle? Am I meant to continue working for the government, or am I supposed to go back to teaching? Do I stay here, or do I move? So many questions, and no answers. I realize that only time will tell what will happen in my life. And then I think about how things could be different. What if I had met Will at a different time in each of our lives, if we had both been single? Would we have ended up together? Or have things worked out exactly how they are supposed to? Will TSO and I ever go out, or is this as much as we'll ever have? So many questions...and I continue to wonder, is the grass any greener anywhere else than where I'm standing?
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The grass is always greener --- but you have to be happy with the grass you have. I think you need to read Eat, Pray, Love -- that book taught me a few things about all of this. I think it is human nature to never really have an answer or really know for sure!
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